Question: How can you be assertive without hating yourself for limiting someone else's freedom?
I studied this question for a while. I was not sure how to answer it. I was puzzled how to answer it because it is not a question that makes sense to me. The part that confused me was being assertive and hating yourself and limiting someone's freedom.
Hating yourself is a rather strong term. For me to hate myself I would have to commit a very horrible act. An extreme cruelty that was deliberate. Even then I would be disappointed with myself over that action or behavior. I am not sure I would hate myself. I would have to ask forgiveness from myself and of course the person I harmed.
For me being assertive does not equate with "limiting someone's freedom." To me limiting someone's freedom would entail slavery, prison, taking away their livelihood, handicapping them physically etc. Pretty horrible stuff.
One characteristic of being assertive is doing what is right for you. An example of this would be if someone invited you to do something with them. You have other plans. You do not spend the day with your friend. You follow through with the plans you made. How are you limiting your friend's freedom? Your friend is free to do what they choose and they are also free to find another companion if they choose.
Another characteristic of being assertive the ability to say "no". Just because someone asks you to do something does not mean you have to do it. If you say no because you are not willing or able to perform the task that is your choice. I can not see how you are limiting someone else's freedom by making a choice.
I think what the question is getting at is the questioner feels "guilty" if they do not do what everyone wants them to do. You may do things in life that other people are not in agreement with. However, that is really not their business.
If you feel you are limiting someone's freedom by engaging in worthwhile pursuits of your choice there could also be a problem in your relationships with other people. Perhaps the people you assoicate with use guilt to control you. Best to get away from someone like that as quickly as possible.
If that is not the case and you are causing your own guilt then it is time for you to do some serious soul searching. Somewhere along the line you got a lot of thoughts, beliefs and ideas mixed up on your head.
Either way guilt is an emotion that is limiting, draining and destructive. It is mentally and physically destructive to yourself. It is also harmful to those around you.
I would purchase this product immediately. With this type of thinking help is mandatory.
This is one of those cases where procrastinating will only harm you. It is time for you to examine this and start to enhnace your life.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
1 comment:
just dropping by to say hi
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