Do you "Pretend" to do too Much?

I have a friend, Tessa. Actually she is leaving the friend category and moving to the acquaintance category.

Let me tell you why. I have known Tessa for two years. Tessa and I met a club. Tessa volunteered for almost every position that was open at this club. I actually volunteered for one of the positions but Tessa took over. She made a statement that she had to leave early so she is volunteering for everything and then left the meeting instantly. I had no time to say anything.

I got over it. After Tessa volunteered for everything she rarely attended the club meetings. Once in a while she would pop in and say she is sorry she is busy and will get going shortly. Then we did not see her again at the meetings until she would pop in again and say the same thing.

Eventually there was a discussion of where she was and what was she doing. Did she leave the club? No one was happy with Tessa. She took on a responsibility and did not follow through.

These questions were directed at me because I was her friend. I did not want to get down on her although I had to agree with the members. She volunteered for everything and was not in attendance nor did she do what she promised. All I could say was that I would call her.

Tessa suffers from "pretending to do too much." This is true in her personal life also. If I call her to just talk she is too busy. If and when we can talk all Tessa talks about is what she has to do. Yet she rarely gets anything done. She is still attempting to do things she wanted to do two years ago. Not long range, big things. Just little every day things like cleaning a room in her house.

Once Tessa told me she has a slight (?) problem with organization and getting things done. I told her I could help her with that. She never took up the offer. Actually she was a little defensive with my offer.

When you suffer from "pretending to do too much" this is a typical reaction.

If I take apart Tessa's behavior I see a person that is disorganized, in chaos and unable to get out of that state. Thinking you are busy can allow you to run away from what is really going on in your life. I mean how can you look at much? You are too busy and you have so much to do?

This behavior is also a way to feel sorry for yourself. You set yourself up to fail and you do fail. Tessa knows she is not accomplishing anything. Every time she starts to do what she needs to a "pretend" emergency pops up and she has to take care of the "pretend" emergency. By the end of the day all she has done is deal with "pretend" emergencies.

Here is the really bizarre thing. The more Tessa "pretends" how busy she is and what she has to do the less prodcutive Tessa is. Yet Tessa does not recognize this. Likewise the less Tessa gets done the more down she is on herself. And this feeling is better to sit with than the ones she is running away from.

What a crazy way to live, but we all have been there. The problem is not that we have all been there but only if we stay there like Tessa.

So how do we get out of this whirlpool?

First off realize that volunteering to do too much will not make you important or respected. It won't. It will just piss people off if you do not follow through.

Second recognize what you really need to do and what can wait.

Third do not get distracted by "pretend" emergencies. Stick to what you decied to get done. Then do it.

Lastly stop running away from those problems that are giving you stress and sorrow. You may not be able to solve them but you must acknowledge them. If you don't you will be like Tessa. You will be running around in a circle disappointing yourself and those around you.

Next you will get angry and feel unappreciated. Next you will either get pissy or depressed. All because you "pretended" to be too busy.

Gte back into your life. You can't run away from it. It follows you wherever you go.

If you must feel important then feel important becasue you accomplished something. Not beause you volunteered for everything and then did nothing.

If you are another Tessa get help now. Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Whats Up?

It is spring. Summer is quickly approaching. What season are you in with your life. Where are you at? What's going on? What's up?

I like to do polling and see the mental states of people. The pulse I am getting is that some of you are perfectly happy with where you are in life. You are feeling good and pleased with your life. I am happy to hear that.

Unfortunately most of you are just getting by. You are apathetic. You would like some change but you just can not get around to it.

You lack motivation. You lack desire. You are treading water. You are putting in effort to stay where you are even though you are disappointend with where you are.

If you think about this you will realize it makes no sense. By treading water and putting in effort you are wasting time and energy.

The time and energy you put into staying where you are can be used to go somewhere else. What is that about?

You are motivated to stay where you are. You desire to stay where you are. You are disappointed with where you are.

What's up with that?

Isn't it time you stopped this charade? Isn't it time for you to make a change? Isn't it time for you to get your act in gear?

If you are depressed then get a handle on it now.

If you are procrastinating then learn how to stop.

If you need to get your head on straight get going.

You can do it.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Humor can Expand Your Mind

Q & A. I found this humorous and thought provoking post. It asks a question and then collects answers. The answers vary depending on who answered and their point of view.

There is no right or wrong answer. This is a question of opinion. Opinion is just someones point of view. There may be facts and reason to back up the point of view. However, there may be other points of view with other facts and reason. It is up to you to decide or not which point of view makes sense to you. Perhaps most have some value to you. Perhaps you are not seeking an answer but a way to open your mind to think in a different way. Perhaps humour and satire will help you do this.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads


Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes the chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

***********************************************************************

Open up your mind. Deep thinking can do that but so can levity. Take a break today to laugh and smile.

Marcia. Your Confidence Coach

Confidence 101

I found this great site about confidence.



CONFIDENCE 101

Enjoy the week end.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Confidence Countdown

Where does confidence come from? It comes from you.

I want to share with you a story about my friend, Jim. Jim is good looking. Tall and handsome. He has a nice way about him. He is not shy but he is not a huge talker. Jim is not the life of the party but when he speaks it is with meaning.

Jim was the darling of his family. His parents did not purposely favor him out of his six other siblings, but they did favor him. His parents had a special bond with him.

In high school Jim was captain of the football team, homecoming king, the golden boy. Jim was voted most handsome, most likely to succeed, best athlete etc.

Today Jim is 44 years old. He is depressed and disillusioned. He has lost his business, in debt and he gave up his residence. He is not homeless. He lives with a woman. It is not a relationship of love. It is a relationship of desperation. Both are addicted to drugs and share that life.

When Jim graduated high school it was assumed he would go to college and continue being a football star. This did not happen. Jim did not choose to go to college. Many people wondered why. Jim never shared that reason with his admirers. He did share it with me.

After graduating high school Jim got a blue collar job. The job was okay and Jim earned a decent living.

He met a woman that he fell in love with. She was an ambitious lady who came from a wealthy background. Jim did not come from a wealthy background. He came from a blue collar background. He was not ashamed of this. His family was hard working and so was Jim.

The love and marriage lasted long enough for Jim and Terra (his wife) to have a baby. But the marriage was going downhill pretty quickly and Jim and Terra both knew it.

What happened? Jim became an alcoholic and also addicted to drugs. It was the only way he could get through the day. Jim felt like a fraud. He did not feel confident. He felt like he was always faking it and some day soon everyone would find out.

That is why he did not go to college. He did not feel confident to tackle the academics. That is why he did not pursue football. He did not feel confident in his athletic abilities. He did not believe he was a leader. He did not believe in himself.

He lacked confidence. Despite appearances and all his accolades Jim did not believe in himself. Jim did not feel confident about himself nor his abilities.

That is why confidence comes from within you. You may not end up like Jim but you will be unhappy.

Appearances do not count. Successes do not count. Not if you believe you don't deserve them and they are accidents. Not if you believe you are a fraud and you will be found out any minute. You must believe in yourself.

How do you start to believe in yourself?

First you connect with yourself. Recognize that what you do accomplish is due to your efforts and skills. Do not take what you have achieved for granted.

Second recognize the love people are offering you. Accept it. Do not fight it.

Third understand that a compliment is a compliment. If you are admired and adored there is a reason. You have touched someone in a special way.

Fourth accept do not reject what is offered to you. Accept yourself. Do not reject yourself.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Happiness

HAPPINESS. I looked for some pics that showed happiness. Most were of children. They look happy.

Happy Baby









Happy Toddler








Where are all the happy adults? Couldn't find many. Yet they are on TV in sit coms, commercials. They get paid to act and appear happy. While they are getting paid to look and act happy do you think they feel happy?



I think they actually do feel happy. So how about if you pay yourself to feel happy? Hear me out. I know this sounds unconventional, okay nuts.



Here is how it could go. You are now feeling happy. Reward (pay) yourself. You can praise yourself. You can put some money in a jar. You can pamper yourself. You see you can reward yourself. Now your mind is running thinking about what kind of kind acts you can do for yourself. See this is not so nuts anymore.



Here is the flip side. You do not feel happy. You are going to act and appear happy. I know you think you can't do it the way you feel. But you can, just like the TV people.



Use the same rewards and incentives you used when you felt happy. It will work. Give it a little time. Giggle while you do it. Giggling can start the happiness feeling. Laughing can also so laugh at the idea.



I know you are still shaking your head. I am okay with that. You don't come here for the usual, same old same old. You come here for the new, unusual, fresh, intersting, unconventional approaches.



Start to look and feel like this.













GET SOME HAPPINESS!

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach