Do you "Pretend" to do too Much?

I have a friend, Tessa. Actually she is leaving the friend category and moving to the acquaintance category.

Let me tell you why. I have known Tessa for two years. Tessa and I met a club. Tessa volunteered for almost every position that was open at this club. I actually volunteered for one of the positions but Tessa took over. She made a statement that she had to leave early so she is volunteering for everything and then left the meeting instantly. I had no time to say anything.

I got over it. After Tessa volunteered for everything she rarely attended the club meetings. Once in a while she would pop in and say she is sorry she is busy and will get going shortly. Then we did not see her again at the meetings until she would pop in again and say the same thing.

Eventually there was a discussion of where she was and what was she doing. Did she leave the club? No one was happy with Tessa. She took on a responsibility and did not follow through.

These questions were directed at me because I was her friend. I did not want to get down on her although I had to agree with the members. She volunteered for everything and was not in attendance nor did she do what she promised. All I could say was that I would call her.

Tessa suffers from "pretending to do too much." This is true in her personal life also. If I call her to just talk she is too busy. If and when we can talk all Tessa talks about is what she has to do. Yet she rarely gets anything done. She is still attempting to do things she wanted to do two years ago. Not long range, big things. Just little every day things like cleaning a room in her house.

Once Tessa told me she has a slight (?) problem with organization and getting things done. I told her I could help her with that. She never took up the offer. Actually she was a little defensive with my offer.

When you suffer from "pretending to do too much" this is a typical reaction.

If I take apart Tessa's behavior I see a person that is disorganized, in chaos and unable to get out of that state. Thinking you are busy can allow you to run away from what is really going on in your life. I mean how can you look at much? You are too busy and you have so much to do?

This behavior is also a way to feel sorry for yourself. You set yourself up to fail and you do fail. Tessa knows she is not accomplishing anything. Every time she starts to do what she needs to a "pretend" emergency pops up and she has to take care of the "pretend" emergency. By the end of the day all she has done is deal with "pretend" emergencies.

Here is the really bizarre thing. The more Tessa "pretends" how busy she is and what she has to do the less prodcutive Tessa is. Yet Tessa does not recognize this. Likewise the less Tessa gets done the more down she is on herself. And this feeling is better to sit with than the ones she is running away from.

What a crazy way to live, but we all have been there. The problem is not that we have all been there but only if we stay there like Tessa.

So how do we get out of this whirlpool?

First off realize that volunteering to do too much will not make you important or respected. It won't. It will just piss people off if you do not follow through.

Second recognize what you really need to do and what can wait.

Third do not get distracted by "pretend" emergencies. Stick to what you decied to get done. Then do it.

Lastly stop running away from those problems that are giving you stress and sorrow. You may not be able to solve them but you must acknowledge them. If you don't you will be like Tessa. You will be running around in a circle disappointing yourself and those around you.

Next you will get angry and feel unappreciated. Next you will either get pissy or depressed. All because you "pretended" to be too busy.

Gte back into your life. You can't run away from it. It follows you wherever you go.

If you must feel important then feel important becasue you accomplished something. Not beause you volunteered for everything and then did nothing.

If you are another Tessa get help now. Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Whats Up?

It is spring. Summer is quickly approaching. What season are you in with your life. Where are you at? What's going on? What's up?

I like to do polling and see the mental states of people. The pulse I am getting is that some of you are perfectly happy with where you are in life. You are feeling good and pleased with your life. I am happy to hear that.

Unfortunately most of you are just getting by. You are apathetic. You would like some change but you just can not get around to it.

You lack motivation. You lack desire. You are treading water. You are putting in effort to stay where you are even though you are disappointend with where you are.

If you think about this you will realize it makes no sense. By treading water and putting in effort you are wasting time and energy.

The time and energy you put into staying where you are can be used to go somewhere else. What is that about?

You are motivated to stay where you are. You desire to stay where you are. You are disappointed with where you are.

What's up with that?

Isn't it time you stopped this charade? Isn't it time for you to make a change? Isn't it time for you to get your act in gear?

If you are depressed then get a handle on it now.

If you are procrastinating then learn how to stop.

If you need to get your head on straight get going.

You can do it.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Humor can Expand Your Mind

Q & A. I found this humorous and thought provoking post. It asks a question and then collects answers. The answers vary depending on who answered and their point of view.

There is no right or wrong answer. This is a question of opinion. Opinion is just someones point of view. There may be facts and reason to back up the point of view. However, there may be other points of view with other facts and reason. It is up to you to decide or not which point of view makes sense to you. Perhaps most have some value to you. Perhaps you are not seeking an answer but a way to open your mind to think in a different way. Perhaps humour and satire will help you do this.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads


Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes the chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

***********************************************************************

Open up your mind. Deep thinking can do that but so can levity. Take a break today to laugh and smile.

Marcia. Your Confidence Coach

Confidence 101

I found this great site about confidence.



CONFIDENCE 101

Enjoy the week end.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Confidence Countdown

Where does confidence come from? It comes from you.

I want to share with you a story about my friend, Jim. Jim is good looking. Tall and handsome. He has a nice way about him. He is not shy but he is not a huge talker. Jim is not the life of the party but when he speaks it is with meaning.

Jim was the darling of his family. His parents did not purposely favor him out of his six other siblings, but they did favor him. His parents had a special bond with him.

In high school Jim was captain of the football team, homecoming king, the golden boy. Jim was voted most handsome, most likely to succeed, best athlete etc.

Today Jim is 44 years old. He is depressed and disillusioned. He has lost his business, in debt and he gave up his residence. He is not homeless. He lives with a woman. It is not a relationship of love. It is a relationship of desperation. Both are addicted to drugs and share that life.

When Jim graduated high school it was assumed he would go to college and continue being a football star. This did not happen. Jim did not choose to go to college. Many people wondered why. Jim never shared that reason with his admirers. He did share it with me.

After graduating high school Jim got a blue collar job. The job was okay and Jim earned a decent living.

He met a woman that he fell in love with. She was an ambitious lady who came from a wealthy background. Jim did not come from a wealthy background. He came from a blue collar background. He was not ashamed of this. His family was hard working and so was Jim.

The love and marriage lasted long enough for Jim and Terra (his wife) to have a baby. But the marriage was going downhill pretty quickly and Jim and Terra both knew it.

What happened? Jim became an alcoholic and also addicted to drugs. It was the only way he could get through the day. Jim felt like a fraud. He did not feel confident. He felt like he was always faking it and some day soon everyone would find out.

That is why he did not go to college. He did not feel confident to tackle the academics. That is why he did not pursue football. He did not feel confident in his athletic abilities. He did not believe he was a leader. He did not believe in himself.

He lacked confidence. Despite appearances and all his accolades Jim did not believe in himself. Jim did not feel confident about himself nor his abilities.

That is why confidence comes from within you. You may not end up like Jim but you will be unhappy.

Appearances do not count. Successes do not count. Not if you believe you don't deserve them and they are accidents. Not if you believe you are a fraud and you will be found out any minute. You must believe in yourself.

How do you start to believe in yourself?

First you connect with yourself. Recognize that what you do accomplish is due to your efforts and skills. Do not take what you have achieved for granted.

Second recognize the love people are offering you. Accept it. Do not fight it.

Third understand that a compliment is a compliment. If you are admired and adored there is a reason. You have touched someone in a special way.

Fourth accept do not reject what is offered to you. Accept yourself. Do not reject yourself.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Come on In

Visitors are welcome.

Happiness

HAPPINESS. I looked for some pics that showed happiness. Most were of children. They look happy.

Happy Baby









Happy Toddler








Where are all the happy adults? Couldn't find many. Yet they are on TV in sit coms, commercials. They get paid to act and appear happy. While they are getting paid to look and act happy do you think they feel happy?



I think they actually do feel happy. So how about if you pay yourself to feel happy? Hear me out. I know this sounds unconventional, okay nuts.



Here is how it could go. You are now feeling happy. Reward (pay) yourself. You can praise yourself. You can put some money in a jar. You can pamper yourself. You see you can reward yourself. Now your mind is running thinking about what kind of kind acts you can do for yourself. See this is not so nuts anymore.



Here is the flip side. You do not feel happy. You are going to act and appear happy. I know you think you can't do it the way you feel. But you can, just like the TV people.



Use the same rewards and incentives you used when you felt happy. It will work. Give it a little time. Giggle while you do it. Giggling can start the happiness feeling. Laughing can also so laugh at the idea.



I know you are still shaking your head. I am okay with that. You don't come here for the usual, same old same old. You come here for the new, unusual, fresh, intersting, unconventional approaches.



Start to look and feel like this.













GET SOME HAPPINESS!

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Free Special Report

Monday Surprise. I know you do not look forward to Mondays. So I wanted to brighten your work week.

I have a special free report for you. It is about working at home in the 21st century. That means right now, today, this year.

I know those that are in the money are going to check it out. Those in the money are always on the look out to make more money. Maybe money is the by product and their real motive is to accomplish and learn something.

So if you are not in the money are you willing to look at it? Funny question but the truth is those not in the money have a restrictive mind set. You tend to accept that this is not for you. I am here to tell you this is for you.

Why??? Because you deserve this. So brighten your Monday work week.

The secret to get this report for free that sells for $97.00 is to click on the gold key. Share the wealth and tell someone else about this also.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Join the Movement

JOIN THE MOVEMENT

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Confidentially Speaking

CONFIDENCE. That is a big word with an even bigger meaning. It has 3 syllables. CON FI DENCE.

So what does it mean? So what is it? We all want it. We all admire it. We all lack it at times. We all get annoyed at people with too much of it. We all feel better when we have it.

Confidence is personal. Confidence is not permanent. Confidence is not tangible. Confidence is a matter of opinion.

People I think have Confidence

someone that has a deep spiritual belief

someone that gets things done

someone that can step outside of themselves

someone that can admit they made a mistake

someone that takes responsibility for their behavior

someone that i can learn from

someone that does not complain

someone that can overcome disappointments

someone i want to be around

someone that can support me at times

someone that does not brag

someone that tells the truth

someone that can inspire me

someone that is authentic

someone that is real

someone with a sense of humor

There are probably more "someone with" but for the time being I think this is enough to get you thinking. Is there someone I know that is like this 24/7. No, of course not. Is there someone like this that strives to be like this? Yes. Is there someone that is more like this than less like this? Yes.

When I am around people that are confident I feel good. I feel good being around them because I know that they make every attempt to choose the words that come out of their mouths. They choose wisely because they know that what they say is a reflection of them, not the other person they are speaking of or with.

Once you realize that how you behave and what you say is solely a reflection of you and only you then you can start to develop confidence or find the confidence you already have.

Confidence needs to be cultivated. Confidence can be learned. Confidence can be developed. Browse here to find some help.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

What is Your Life About?

For so many of us life is about getting by, making it through the day, surviving. It is like we are on a treadmill. We are putting in the effort, doing the work, trying our best but we never seem to get anywhere. Even when we see progress it is short lived. It is a momentary high we experience only to be jolted back to our reality. This one beam of sunshine is overshadowed by all our other problems and struggles.





This is the plight of your life at the present. But there is the future. And before you know it the future becomes the present. What if you could intervene in your future and create a new present? What if this new present was not drudgery and getitng by? What if this new present was one of getting what you wanted?





There is a way for this to happen to you. It won't be instantaneous. Sorry to be the bearer of that piece of information. I am not going to be disingenuous with you. When I look back at my accomplishments I had to work and struggle for them. Kind of like what you are doing right now except you don't get the rewards for what you are doing.





So why not do something that will give you the rewards? If you skeptical then keep doing what you are doing but.... add something to that. Do what you are doing plus something else.





Start a new project that will alter your future. Devise a plan and allocate time to this project.





Over time I will share with you some ideas and products that will put you on the path to altering your future. For now I just want this to soak in and let you get into a new mind set. I want you to invision getting off the treamill. I want you to envision putting some joy back into your life. I want you to envision getting the rewards you deserve.





Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS If you are in a hurry then check out some of my past posts.

The Air of Confidence

I posed the question, “How can you tell if someone is confident.?”

The overwhelming answer was, “Body Language. How someone carries themselves. An air they elude”

What is this all about? It seems that if you are confident people will just know it. There will be something about you that can not be exactly expressed in words. I think what it also means is there is something inside of you that is readily apparent to all. Kind of like the expression, “It is what inside of you that counts.”

Confidence starts from your thoughts. I f you think confidently you will appear confident. If you believe in yourself others will know this. There will be something special about you that other people notice.

There were also other answers that were quite illuminating.
Replying with enthusiasm.
Relaxed voice
Smiling
Interested in other people
Other people feel good to be with you

Replying with enthusiasm means giving thought to what someone said or asked you. When you reply with enthusiasm you are uplifting not depressing.
A relaxed voice means there is no tension in you voice. Once again you are relaxed so others feel relaxed around you.

Smiling gives people a positive message. It means you are enjoying yourself and enjoying them.
Confident people are interested in other people not themselves. Being interest in what someone has to say creates a rapport.

People like to be around confident people. Confident people show respect for other people. Confident people value other people.

Being confident is a plus in your personal as well as business life. Work will much easier for you if you are confident. People will want to work and co operate with you.

The overall pattern here is that when you are confident you are helping other people feel important, valued and respected. You are doing this by just being confident. You do not have to be the center of attention. Your attention is balanced. People are naturally attracted to you.
There are ways to elude confidence. There are ways to be true to yourself. There are ways to be attractive to other people. You have to start from within yourself. This is a great product that can teach you how.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

Check it out. Learn how to attract other people and be attractive.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach

Get in the "Habit"

I found this great article on self confidence. I like the way Ms. Raats calls self confidence a "habit".

This article was contributed by by Lois Raats, M.Ed. Lois is a personal and corporate coach. More information on Lois can be found at http://www.coachlois.com . Article on self-confidence by Lois Raats

THE HABIT OF SELF CONFIDENCE

How can I acquire more self-confidence? How can I improve my self-esteem? I wish I could feel as "together" as everyone else seems to be...

I hear these kinds of questions and comments several times each week in my office, from some of the most outwardly successful people you could imagine.

Self-esteem is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence is the foundation for a successful life. People often believe that if they could just feel better about themselves, their lives would go so much better, they would be so much more successful.

But feeling good is not the source of self-esteem.
Rather, feeling good is the by-product of thinking the thoughts, making the choices, and developing the habits that build self-esteem.

Self-esteem is not a feeling. It's a habit. Life consists of an endless series of forks in the road. At any given moment, we are directing our energies - our attitudes, thoughts, behaviors, and habits - down the path that leads to greater self-esteem - or we're propelling ourselves in the opposite direction. It's that simple. If you suffer from low self-worth, it's a good idea to start asking yourself: "What I'm thinking, doing, or being - is it making me feel better about myself, or worse? What do I need to do differently to get me on a better path?"

The good news about this approach is that it's something anyone can learn. Have you ever learned how to ride a bike, or quit a bad habit like smoking? We're talking skills and habits here, not magic. With creativity and focus, practice and willpower, anyone can develop the skills and habits that engender high self-esteem.

I'm not especially concerned about what your background or life experience is like. Life occurs in the present moment. As the saying goes...
The past is history, The future is mystery, This moment is a gift - that's why it's called "The Present"!

If you begin to channel your energy now in the direction you want to go, you will get there, a step at a time.

Stepping Stones to Self-Esteem #1: Self-Awareness
The first step toward improving self-esteem is to gradually begin to increase one's level of self-awareness A person can do this simply by noticing what's currently happening in several areas of their experience.

Since your body never lies, start by noticing any physical sensations related to your current situation, such as shortness of breath, tightness in your neck, shoulders, or back, butterflies in your stomach, headaches or body aches. For example, one of my clients, let's call him Ian, notices that when work starts piling up he gets tense in the shoulders. If he doesn't reorganize his priorities he starts to feel queasy much of the time. If he allows this pattern to continue he starts to have difficulty sleeping. However, if he can catch this pattern at its onset through self-awareness, he then has a choice. Ian can begin to choose the path of caring for and esteeming himself, and he can refrain from neglecting himself and his needs.

Next, notice any feelings you have: anxiety, sadness, panic, anger, elation. If you're not well-acquainted with your feelings, write me an email, and I'll send you a list of feeling words. Feelings emerge spontaneously from the body, so once you're clued in to your body signals, you can attach a word to the sensation that describes how you're feeling. The feeling words Ian attaches to his "tight shoulder" sensation are fear, anger, sadness, and being overwhelmed. Feelings can also be experienced as images or metaphors. Ian says that he often feels "like a tiny boat adrift in huge waves".

Now notice your thoughts. Thoughts are an incredibly important contributor to self-esteem or lack thereof. The good news about thoughts is that they can be controlled. You can use your will to direct your thoughts once you become more self-aware.

Unfortunately, many people are unaware of the extent to which their thoughts are influencing how they feel. We all have a running tape that plays a continuous stream of thoughts in the back of our minds. When Ian gets overwhelmed, he starts to think things like, "What if I can't get this all done by Friday?" "I'm such an idiot, I should be better organized...how come other people in my office seem to get their stuff done by the end of the day?" "I'll never figure this out..." As he becomes more self-aware, he will be able to notice these thoughts before they start to drag him down, and he can choose to substitute more helpful thoughts in their place.

What kinds of tapes do you have playing in the back of your mind? I've found that most people with self-esteem problems are endlessly critical about themselves, worried about what other people think of them, and often worry about what's going to happen next. As part of your self-awareness project, record these thoughts in a little notebook and over time you can begin to replace them with something better.

Lastly, notice your behaviors. What activities are you engaged in that are doing little or nothing for you? What are you currently doing that builds you up? How's your health? Are there people in your life that know you well - and if not, how can you begin to develop a support system? We all need some blend of positive relationships, satisfying work, and fun activities to keep our emotional tanks topped up.

Ian notices that when he begins to feel tanked out due to stress at work he comes home and flakes out on the couch. But when he thinks about it he realizes that while this is relaxing, it isn't really satisfying. Flaking out isn't helping him develop a life that meets his needs or fulfills his values. He's currently re-thinking these choices and making a list of activities that are both relaxing and meaningful. So far, he's considering going to the gym, taking out a few books from the library, or calling a friend.

Habits are merely thoughts and behaviors played out over time. Develop the habit of positive thoughts and helpful behaviors, and, before you know it, you will be feeling good about yourself and your life.

This article was contributed by by Lois Raats, M.Ed. Lois is a personal and corporate coach. More information on Lois can be found at http://www.coachlois.com . Article on self-confidence by Lois Raats
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Can you change your habits? Can you develop new habits that make your life better?

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Questions and comments are always welcome.

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

The Narcissism Study (?)

I have been hearing a lot about the "narcissism" study. I tried to stay out of it but I just could not control myself.





The colloquial definition of narcissism is:
An excessive preoccupation with one’s own personal importance, or with achieving one’s own chosen goals rather than bonding with others, or with associating only with others whom one chooses. Sometimes psychologists associate narcissism with psychopathology and lack of conscience, but this need not be the case. But there may be lack of emotional empathy or bonding with others.



Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See synonyms at conceit.A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.






From a psychological stand point a narcissistic personality is defined as:


Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.





Additionally


Symptoms
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
Reacts to criticism with feelings or rage, shame, or humiliation


Takes advantage of others to achieve own goals


Has feelings of self-importance


Exaggerates achievements and talents


Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love


Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment


Requires constant attention and admiration


Lacks empathy


Overreacts to criticism, becoming angry or humiliated


Uses others to reach goals


Exaggerates own importance


Entertains unrealistic fantasies about achievements, power, beauty, intelligence or romance


Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment


Seeks constant attention and positive reinforcement from others


Is easily jealous


Has a sense of entitlement


Is interpersonally exploitative


Displays arrogant, haughty behaviours



People who have a narcissistic personality style rather than narcissistic personality disorder are generally psychologically healthy, but may at times be arrogant, proud, shrewd, confident, self-centered and determined to be at the top. They do not, however, have an unrealistic image of their skills and worth and are not dependent on praise to sustain a healthy self-esteem.





I did some research on the "narcissism study". I only found these statements publicized that the researchers (?) so far based their conclusion on.





The NPI is based on results from 1982-2006 of college students’ reactions to statements such as “If I ruled the world, it would be a better place,” “I think I am a special person” and “I can live my life any way I want to.”
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.





Looking at these three questions I think the conclusions drawn are spurious. The study periods appear to be 1966, 1980 and 2006. There is no consistency between these time periods. This is not a study that was done for example every ten years.





The first statement, "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place"


When I think about this statement a yes answer can reflect:


Dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs.


A lack of optimism.


A feeling of pessimism.


Belief the world could be a better place if others ideas were considered.





Next statement, "I think I am a special person"


Aren't we all special?


Should we loathe ourselves?


If we do not think we are special how can we appreciate others?


What about the adage, "God helps those that help themselves?"


Doesn't this show confidence and a belief in ourselves to make our own way?





Next statement, "I can live my life the way I want?"


More expressions of confidence


Feeling that you have control over your life


Not a victim


Not a whiner





"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950


Note the date of this quote 1856-1950 way before the study (?)





Statement. "It is important to be well off financially."


Just check out the news. We all need money. The government is not going to help us. We all need to work longer and longer. Good bye social security, if you could even support yourself from it. We may be taking care of and supporting our elder parents. Medical costs are skyrocketing. The cost of a car is including, insurance, property taxes and gas is huge. Oil prices are up. Credit card interest rates are over the top. Education costs a fortune.





Is it any wonder people think it is important to be financially well off? And by the way what does financially well off mean?





The reason I am including this today is:


Think for yourself. A confident person does some research before they regurgitate buzz info. Do your homework before you revere "experts."





Keep an open mind. A confident person does not just jump on any trendy bandwagon. They think first.





Always be a student. A confident person learns from information.

Perhaps the "researchers" of this study are narcissistic.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

BUSINESS CONFESSION

I am a believer in honesty and truth. The minute I saw this in writing I felt the need to qualify it. I am not the type of person to tell you my life story in detail. If you ask I will answer with discretion.

Some things are personal and I may not even discuss them with close friends.
I have a good reason for this. If this personal thing involves a third person that we both will be associating with in the future I will probably not discuss it. The reason being I will probably get over my problem with the third person. But will the friend I discuss it with get over it? If they don't when the three of us get together it could be a problem. Here is an example. I had a friend, Katie. She was married and she was not getting along with her husband. Actually she was quite angry with him. In her fit of anger she told me he was not the father of their child and he did not know it. That ruined our friendship. Every time we went out and I kept looking at her husband and thinking, “You are not the father of this child.” I could not get it out of my head. It was too big of a burden for me.

So here is my confession. I have just started a new business. You need to have a strong stomach to start a business. You need to stay level headed. You can not jump to conclusions. You need to access, watch and revamp.

Things were going well with my new business. Then things started to slow down. When things started to slow down I started to do more. I upgraded my work load to get things moving again. Unfortunately my upgrade was not producing the results I expected. I was puzzled. I believed that my upgrade was correct. I believed my upgrade would show results.
So what happened. I took a little time to think, plan and meditate. I checked in with some people I respect to get their take. This is always of value to me. I think this is of value to anyone. Sometimes you can get stuck in your thinking and planning and outsiders can be a breath of fresh air. The discouraging part was that the outsider check in did not stimulate any new ideas for me.

I do not like to be discouraged. I do not like to be stuck. But I was. So I went back to drawing board and started from the beginning. I did not want to do this but I knew I had to do this. I had to figure out where the problem was. I can become a detective when this happens. That is also something that can be of value to you. A problem is like a mystery. I f you pretend you are a detective you can get on with solving the mystery. It will not help to pretend you are a detective if you are not persistent Persistence is the cornerstone to having a business. You must be persistent You must stay on the case. You must find the solution.

Once I went back to the beginning it took me a couple of minutes to find the problem. It was a serious problem but one that could be easily fixed. So here is my confession. For one short moment I was discouraged. I doubted myself. I made an assumption. It was a false assumption. For that one short moment I was in agony. Does this happen to you? Please learn from my confession. Before you doubt yourself go back and do your homework. Do the research and find the solution. Don't be in agony. Do not react emotionally. Business and emotions do not mix well. Business takes a thinker, an analyzer. Business people need to keep a clear head.
Get clear. Stay clear. Don't jump to conclusions. Make your business rock.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach

PS For more help on this check out my links.

Confidence and Decisions

Confidence and Your Work
When you own your own business you must have confidence. You will be making many decisions. How will you know if you are making the right decisions? One way to start the decision process is to gain knowledge. You should research the topic you are going to make a decision on. However once you have this knowledge you may be confronted with two choices. Which one should you chose? Now you are at a cross road. You have to make a decision but how do you choose between the two options. This is where confidence comes in.

You have to be confident and go forward with one of the choices. You must decide. You can not be wishy washy once you decide. You must be confident with your decision. I once heard a famous CEO explain how he makes a decision. He said he makes the decision and then he makes it be the right decision. He is expressing that once he makes a decision he has the confidence to make that be the right decision.

Do your homework and then decide what option to follow. Then work on that option to make it work for you. Once you choose follow through. Give yourself some time to see how your new plan is working. You may have to modify your plan. Have the confidence to modify your plan. Have the confidence to know that you made a decision. Have the confidence to know that you have the skills to make that decision work for you.

Let me know your thoughts and questions.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS I am sorry. There is a technical problem with my newsletter subscription. If you subscribed and did not receive my newsletter please be patient. I am working on it.

Confidence and Work

Today I would like to talk about your job, career, occupation or profession. All of these terms refer to the area of paid work.

There are days when work is trying. There are days when you wish you could work at home. Maybe you even thought about a home based business. Perhaps you are not ready to give up your current job but you considering starting a home based business. Perhaps you are considering starting your home based business while staying at your current job.

There is a lot to consider if you are going to start a home based business while staying at your current job. One thing to consider is what type of business would be right for you. If you search on the internet for home businesses you will be bombarded with offers. How do you know which ones are not scams? Yes, scams. I am sorry to say that there are dishonest people out there and you do not want to become one of their victims. You must be very careful what business you choose to devote your time to.

Unfortunately there is no warning signs out there for you about this. However, there is information that can assist you in this area. This information can help you with the hidden red flags of scam businesses. Please check this out to learn about the warning signs of unscrupulous businesses on the web.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach


http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/

Welcome

Welcome to the Self Improvement Toolshop

Hello. My name is Marcia Siegel. I am a Your Confidence Coach. I love helping people be whatever they want to be. Being a confident person is a sure fire way to become your personal best. Being a confident person is how you become a better you.

I want you to enjoy your life. I want you to be a participant in your life. I want you to be able to truly experience your life. I want you to be able to tackle whatever comes your way.

I will be here to deliver words of wisdom, tips, ideas and information. Together we will make you “A Better You”.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com