Do you "Pretend" to do too Much?

I have a friend, Tessa. Actually she is leaving the friend category and moving to the acquaintance category.

Let me tell you why. I have known Tessa for two years. Tessa and I met a club. Tessa volunteered for almost every position that was open at this club. I actually volunteered for one of the positions but Tessa took over. She made a statement that she had to leave early so she is volunteering for everything and then left the meeting instantly. I had no time to say anything.

I got over it. After Tessa volunteered for everything she rarely attended the club meetings. Once in a while she would pop in and say she is sorry she is busy and will get going shortly. Then we did not see her again at the meetings until she would pop in again and say the same thing.

Eventually there was a discussion of where she was and what was she doing. Did she leave the club? No one was happy with Tessa. She took on a responsibility and did not follow through.

These questions were directed at me because I was her friend. I did not want to get down on her although I had to agree with the members. She volunteered for everything and was not in attendance nor did she do what she promised. All I could say was that I would call her.

Tessa suffers from "pretending to do too much." This is true in her personal life also. If I call her to just talk she is too busy. If and when we can talk all Tessa talks about is what she has to do. Yet she rarely gets anything done. She is still attempting to do things she wanted to do two years ago. Not long range, big things. Just little every day things like cleaning a room in her house.

Once Tessa told me she has a slight (?) problem with organization and getting things done. I told her I could help her with that. She never took up the offer. Actually she was a little defensive with my offer.

When you suffer from "pretending to do too much" this is a typical reaction.

If I take apart Tessa's behavior I see a person that is disorganized, in chaos and unable to get out of that state. Thinking you are busy can allow you to run away from what is really going on in your life. I mean how can you look at much? You are too busy and you have so much to do?

This behavior is also a way to feel sorry for yourself. You set yourself up to fail and you do fail. Tessa knows she is not accomplishing anything. Every time she starts to do what she needs to a "pretend" emergency pops up and she has to take care of the "pretend" emergency. By the end of the day all she has done is deal with "pretend" emergencies.

Here is the really bizarre thing. The more Tessa "pretends" how busy she is and what she has to do the less prodcutive Tessa is. Yet Tessa does not recognize this. Likewise the less Tessa gets done the more down she is on herself. And this feeling is better to sit with than the ones she is running away from.

What a crazy way to live, but we all have been there. The problem is not that we have all been there but only if we stay there like Tessa.

So how do we get out of this whirlpool?

First off realize that volunteering to do too much will not make you important or respected. It won't. It will just piss people off if you do not follow through.

Second recognize what you really need to do and what can wait.

Third do not get distracted by "pretend" emergencies. Stick to what you decied to get done. Then do it.

Lastly stop running away from those problems that are giving you stress and sorrow. You may not be able to solve them but you must acknowledge them. If you don't you will be like Tessa. You will be running around in a circle disappointing yourself and those around you.

Next you will get angry and feel unappreciated. Next you will either get pissy or depressed. All because you "pretended" to be too busy.

Gte back into your life. You can't run away from it. It follows you wherever you go.

If you must feel important then feel important becasue you accomplished something. Not beause you volunteered for everything and then did nothing.

If you are another Tessa get help now. Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Succeed with your Goals

Remember those New Years resolutions you made. Have you kept any of them? Most likely not.

You made them with good intentions. But your follow through was lacking. New Years resolutions do not mean much if you can not carry them out.

I would guess that it is more than New Years resolutions that are not carried out. It is probably a lot of your resolutions that are not carried out.

How can you correct this? The first question is did you make too many resolutions? How about going with just one and working on that. It also must be specific. I want to loose weight is not specific. I want to loose 20 pounds is specific.

Once you have picked one specific task you need to dissect it. Break it down into daily steps. How can you go about losing 20 pounds? Diet and exercise would be a good way to go.

Now you know what you need to do. How will you do it? Will you join a gym, exercise class, outdoor exercise such as walking or will you do this at home? It can also be a combination of all three. Try to choose the one or ones that you are most likely to follow through with. If you know you will never be motivated to exercise at home do not pick that choice.

Next plan your exercise schedule. Yes you must schedule your exercise. It is best to schedule it for the same time each day. Also plan how long you will exercise. No matter how much time you plan for to start with consider that you will be upping the time in the next few weeks.

Next is the easy to say part but the hard to do part. Follow through. Start the exercise plan. If you miss a day ignore it. Continue with your schedule. Do not obsess about your progress. Focus on your schedule not the results. Keep going.

As for part two diet. This also must be a plan and a schedule. You must always plan ahead to keep on target. If you are invited out to eat check with the restaurant ahead of time what is on the menu. This way you can plan your meal. Keep planning for success not failure. Put the extra time and effort in to succeed.

Do not create a menu that will be excessively restrictive. If you must have chocolate allow yourself some chocolate. If you make your plan too rigid you will not succeed. This is how the best of intentions go awry.

If you slip keep going. Just forget about your slip. All a slip means it that it may take a little longer to reach your goal. Do not use a slip as way to stop what you are doing.

In summary, first you must establish a clear specific goal. Next you must plan daily how you will accomplish that goal. Make sure the plan is setting you up to succeed not fail.

Next you must schedule the activities you will do to achieve your goal.

Then you need to do them.

If the unexpected comes up plan around it. Do what you can to keep on your scheduled goal activities.

Ignore any slips. Keep going.

Remember to focus on your schedule, not your progress. If you keep on target progress will come.

If you think about this you will notice that you do this automatically already for the goals you reach.

Take your goals seriously. Take your schedule seriously. Focus on your efforts not the results. The results will come. Keep going.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Browse here.

Dream Job Don't Get Scammed

Work at home and do not get scammed. That is it. Get the report and you will avoid the traps and pitfalls of the scammers.

Look before you leap. Then leap.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Whats Up?

It is spring. Summer is quickly approaching. What season are you in with your life. Where are you at? What's going on? What's up?

I like to do polling and see the mental states of people. The pulse I am getting is that some of you are perfectly happy with where you are in life. You are feeling good and pleased with your life. I am happy to hear that.

Unfortunately most of you are just getting by. You are apathetic. You would like some change but you just can not get around to it.

You lack motivation. You lack desire. You are treading water. You are putting in effort to stay where you are even though you are disappointend with where you are.

If you think about this you will realize it makes no sense. By treading water and putting in effort you are wasting time and energy.

The time and energy you put into staying where you are can be used to go somewhere else. What is that about?

You are motivated to stay where you are. You desire to stay where you are. You are disappointed with where you are.

What's up with that?

Isn't it time you stopped this charade? Isn't it time for you to make a change? Isn't it time for you to get your act in gear?

If you are depressed then get a handle on it now.

If you are procrastinating then learn how to stop.

If you need to get your head on straight get going.

You can do it.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Humor can Expand Your Mind

Q & A. I found this humorous and thought provoking post. It asks a question and then collects answers. The answers vary depending on who answered and their point of view.

There is no right or wrong answer. This is a question of opinion. Opinion is just someones point of view. There may be facts and reason to back up the point of view. However, there may be other points of view with other facts and reason. It is up to you to decide or not which point of view makes sense to you. Perhaps most have some value to you. Perhaps you are not seeking an answer but a way to open your mind to think in a different way. Perhaps humour and satire will help you do this.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads


Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes the chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

***********************************************************************

Open up your mind. Deep thinking can do that but so can levity. Take a break today to laugh and smile.

Marcia. Your Confidence Coach

Monday Must Have

It is Monday again. Fresh start, new week.

Are you willing to make a fresh start or are you dragging your feet? Did you have a week end where you got things done but it is never enough? There is so much more left to do.

If you examine this you will find out that you are probably expecting to do too much. Some things are probably not that important. Some things could be done easier and more efficiently. Some things could be delegated. Some things could be outsourced.

Of course that is up to you to take a look from a fresh perspective. If you are refusing to look from a fresh perspective you are probably one of those type of people that think you must do everything by yourself. Only you can and know how to do everything.

You think everything is important. You have not found efficiency. You refuse to delegate because it is not done "your way" or to your standards. Outsourcing is costly and you do not trust that anyway.

So here you are a person on the verge. Tired, stressed out, over worked, over loaded. Monday is not your fresh start. It is more drudgery.

Is this the life you want to lead?

I have one suggestion.

If you are an online marketer then this product will save you time. It will help with your efficiency. It is not expensive. It is an investment in you having a better life. It is an investment in getting rid of stress. It is an investment in cutting down work overload.

Since you are one of those obstinate people I am ordering you to purchase it. If I don't order you I know you will make up excuses not to get it. I use the word"make up" because that is what you do when you get the chance to ease your life. You make up excuses why you are the only one that must and can do everything yourself.

Yet you know this is not true. You can not do everything yourself. Look at how you feel today. Look at your backlog of things you did not do. Will you ever get them done? No!

Break the mold. Drop it. Stop it.

Get this product and put some ease into your life. Get off the "only I can do everything" merry go round. Make Monday a fresh start. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS This is your MONDAY MUST HAVE.

Confidence 101

I found this great site about confidence.



CONFIDENCE 101

Enjoy the week end.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach