Confidence Countdown

Where does confidence come from? It comes from you.

I want to share with you a story about my friend, Jim. Jim is good looking. Tall and handsome. He has a nice way about him. He is not shy but he is not a huge talker. Jim is not the life of the party but when he speaks it is with meaning.

Jim was the darling of his family. His parents did not purposely favor him out of his six other siblings, but they did favor him. His parents had a special bond with him.

In high school Jim was captain of the football team, homecoming king, the golden boy. Jim was voted most handsome, most likely to succeed, best athlete etc.

Today Jim is 44 years old. He is depressed and disillusioned. He has lost his business, in debt and he gave up his residence. He is not homeless. He lives with a woman. It is not a relationship of love. It is a relationship of desperation. Both are addicted to drugs and share that life.

When Jim graduated high school it was assumed he would go to college and continue being a football star. This did not happen. Jim did not choose to go to college. Many people wondered why. Jim never shared that reason with his admirers. He did share it with me.

After graduating high school Jim got a blue collar job. The job was okay and Jim earned a decent living.

He met a woman that he fell in love with. She was an ambitious lady who came from a wealthy background. Jim did not come from a wealthy background. He came from a blue collar background. He was not ashamed of this. His family was hard working and so was Jim.

The love and marriage lasted long enough for Jim and Terra (his wife) to have a baby. But the marriage was going downhill pretty quickly and Jim and Terra both knew it.

What happened? Jim became an alcoholic and also addicted to drugs. It was the only way he could get through the day. Jim felt like a fraud. He did not feel confident. He felt like he was always faking it and some day soon everyone would find out.

That is why he did not go to college. He did not feel confident to tackle the academics. That is why he did not pursue football. He did not feel confident in his athletic abilities. He did not believe he was a leader. He did not believe in himself.

He lacked confidence. Despite appearances and all his accolades Jim did not believe in himself. Jim did not feel confident about himself nor his abilities.

That is why confidence comes from within you. You may not end up like Jim but you will be unhappy.

Appearances do not count. Successes do not count. Not if you believe you don't deserve them and they are accidents. Not if you believe you are a fraud and you will be found out any minute. You must believe in yourself.

How do you start to believe in yourself?

First you connect with yourself. Recognize that what you do accomplish is due to your efforts and skills. Do not take what you have achieved for granted.

Second recognize the love people are offering you. Accept it. Do not fight it.

Third understand that a compliment is a compliment. If you are admired and adored there is a reason. You have touched someone in a special way.

Fourth accept do not reject what is offered to you. Accept yourself. Do not reject yourself.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach