Making an Important Decision

My Friend Brittany

I have a friend named Brittany. She was going through a divorce. It was a messy divorce. This was Brittany’s second marriage. Naturally when she re married she and her beau were madly in love. Brittany had two children from her previous marriage. They were living with their dad. Her new husband wanted children. Brittany was employed as a nurse. She enjoyed nursing and liked the idea of being a working woman. In her former marriage she was a mom. Work and kids did not sit well with her former husband. He was the breadwinner and Brittany was the mom. Brittany was okay with this because nursing, kids and taking care of the household would have probably been too much for Brittany. Her former husband worked long hours so he was not going to make a large contribution to the kids and household responsibilities.

Brittany’s new husband wanted children. Brittany was uncertain if this was what she wanted. Since she was madly in love with her new husband she agreed to have more children. She really wanted to remain working as a nurse. However, this was her second marriage and she really wanted it to work. She did not want another divorce. So Brittany and her new husband pro created. They had two kids.

Now let’s fast forward to the messy divorce. Somewhere along the line Brittany and her new husband were no longer madly in love. They were arguing. Brittany was disappointed in how her second marriage turned out. She knew that divorce would end this misery. Unfortunately the divorce process was prolonging the misery. The divorce was messy and nasty.

Naturally Brittany hired a divorce attorney. She found a reputable attorney. This attorney had a reputation as being top notch. However, this attorney did not specialize in divorces. Brittany made mistake one when she selected this attorney. She chose a big wig. However, he was not a big wig when it came to divorces. From there her relationship with this attorney went down hill. For most of the court dates and legal filings this big wig attorney had an associate represent Brittany. This associate was not doing the job Brittany expected. There was poor communication between Brittany and the associate. This was the second mistake Brittany made.
Brittany confided in me about how distressed she was with her legal representation. I tried to help Brittany sort out the mess she was in. We had a long discussion. This is what we discovered and concluded. Brittany faced a very serious and important decision in choosing a divorce attorney. The way she made this decision was from an emotional perspective. She felt hurt, vulnerable, sad and angry. Her marriage failed and her soon to be ex was making her life miserable. She was also grieving for her failed marriage. She also blamed herself. She was not in the best emotional state to make a well thought out decision. However, this can be the emotional state we all experience when we have to make an important decision. This is not the emotional state that will lead to the best decision.

Do not make a decision based on your emotions. It will not be beneficial for you. So how do you make a decision when you are feeling like this?

Step One Recognize that you are in an emotional state.
Step Two Make a list of what you want to accomplish from your decision

If this list contains things like, “get revenge”, “ruin their life”, “make their life miserable” etc. you know you are making a decision based on wrong information. Cross these items out. See what you are left with. If your list is blank after doing this then you need a break. Go back to your list and start again until you have items on it that are not emotional. This story applies to all decisions you will make. Once this is done you will be able to make a decision that will help and benefit you.

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Marcia, Your Confidence Coach