Have to or Want to???

HAVE TO OR WANT TO?

Have to:
to be required, compelled, or under obligation

Want to:
to feel a need or a desire for; wish for
Want to:
to wish, need, crave, demand, or desire

What is the difference between wanting to do something and having to do something?
If you have to do something it is a must. That does not mean you will do it but the must part makes it imperative and important. By the definition have to is something that is outside of you. An outside force is telling you that you must do this certain thing.

If you want to do something it is related to an inside feeling. Wanting to do something seems to be a part of you. Having to do something seems to be inflicted on you by something outside of you. Despite these differences there are probably things you want to do but you may not do these things.
So what is really going on here? Why do you resist doing what you have to do and what you want to do? Are you more likely to do what you have to do or what you want to do?

How were you raised? What rules did your parents teach you? Did they tell you that there are things you must do even if you do not want to do them? Are you one of those people that does what you have to and your life is lacking joy?

Or were you raised with your parents instructing you that you can't always do what you want? Were they trying to set you on the right path by telling you to be responsible? Did you rebel and do what you wanted to do? Is your life exciting but messy because you do what you want?

Who do you admire? Do you admire the ones that do what they want or the ones that “do the right thing?”

What about balance? Does it have to be one way or the other? This is a conundrum. There is no right answer. Consider the expression, “If you do what you enjoy you will succeed.” Trite but sometimes true. If you are not responsible you will spend your time catching up to correct or deal with what you did not do. What happens if you spend you life doing what you have to waiting for the chance later on to do what you want. You put in the time hoping, waiting for it to pay off. It can pay off but sometimes it just doesn't.

I have been considering this. Perhaps there is a way to do what you want and what you have to and enjoy them both is this. What if you were in the present moment? That means if you are watching a sunset you do just that. You watch a sunset. You enjoy the sunset. You are in the present moment.

You are not thinking about what you have to do or want to do. You can do that next but for now you are enjoying yourself just watching a sunset. Would the pleasure from a sunset make the “have to tasks” a little easier and more do able? You are in a good mood from your sunset so now you can tackle the things you “have to do.” Would the pleasure from the sunset allow you to re think those things that you wanted to do? Try it. See if you can do something and just enjoy it. Just be there in the moment. See if that gives you momentum. See if that makes your life lighter. See if that gives you perspective. See if that gives you balance.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Magnetic Marketing

Remember back to the time when you were a kid? Remember when you played with a magnet. We all used a magnet. We would dump out a bunch of paper clips and whip out our magnet. Like magic the paper clips would jump onto the magnet. It was not magic but attraction. The magnet attracted the paper clips.

What if you could do this in your business life? What if you knew the way to attract customers ?What if you knew the way to attract customers to your product? What if you could "exert a strong attractive power or charm"? It would seem like magic. But it would actually be science.

Magnetic Marketing http://www.surefiremarketing.com/magnetic/?48752 teaches you the art of persuasion. Magnetic Marketing shows you how to showcase your products or services. Large businesses hire top notch advertising agencies to develop a magnetic marketing campaign. You can do this for yourself, save money, make money and use this technique over and over for each new product and service you promote.

There is also a bonus for your personal life. Using Magnetic Marketing will give you insight into other people. Using Magnetic Marketing will help you think in a new fashion. From new thinking comes new ideas. Persuasion is a powerful tool to communicate your thoughts and ideas clearly.

Get Magnetic Marketing http://www.surefiremarketing.com/magnetic/?48752 and start attracting sales, success and whatever else you have been striving for.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Product Launch Formula

What if you had one chance and limited income to launch a new product? Would you experiment or would you use a method that was tested and had a track record of results?

They key to being successful in business is to learn from other people's mistakes. The other key is to learn from other people's successes. Business can be tricky and tough but when you are introduced to no brainer you have to rejoice.

When someone shows you step by step how to get your product off the ground you can't say no...unless you already know this....or you are of the obstinate kind and like to make your own mistakes.

I know you are not of the obstinate kind because if you were you would have probably closed up shop by now. The obstinate ones don't succeed in business.

I know you are going to check out this product because you want to succeed. All you need is a method which this product will give you. So go ahead - be successful. Do it the right way. Do it the easy way. Do it the way it will work

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Work smart not hard.

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Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Paris Hilton and You

What do you and Paris Hilton have in common? You and Paris Hilton do have this one question in common. You and Paris Hilton probably think about this issue more after something bad happens. But you both think about and experience it.

Who do you trust? How do you decide who is trustworthy? How can you tell who is telling you the truth and who is running their game on you? How do you know who is true and who will stab you in the back?

For some of us these are constant questions. Some of use are leery of everyone around us. It is hard for some of us to make friends because each new person is under constant scrutiny and mistrust. Not a happy way to be but a way to protect yourself.

For others these questions may pop up and then go away. The question comes up and we make a quick choice and say - you're okay, and you're not. That is all the investigation we do. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it does not. We've all met someone that dazzled us and then betrayed us. We trusted someone and they did not deserve our trust. We became more cautious. Maybe jaded, suspicious, and apprehensive.

How do you know who to trust? How do you tell who is the good guys? My friend shared with me her discovery. Here is her story.

"Hi, my name is Brandy. Trust has always been difficult for me. My childhood made trust difficult. I decided not to trust anyone. This way of life served my purposes for a while.

When I was older I met people and had friends. I did not get close to them. I never trusted them. I had a routine of what I could tell them etc.

Then one day I had a realization. I suppose it came up because I felt too tightly wound with my routine and restrictions of what I could share and express. I could never let my guard down and it was becoming tiring.

My realization - Could I trust myself? Could I trust myself to make the best decisions? Could I trust myself to the do what is right?

Was my mistrust actually fear and insecurity and anxiety about doing the right thing? I discovered that I lived out of fear because I did not want to make the same mistakes that others made. This fear came up during adversity. I realized how I doubted and second guessed myself each time I had a problem. I was uncertain and confused. I was berating myself and speaking negatively to myself.

That was when I realized that the only person I could trust with confidence was myself. It was freeing and refreshing. I did not have to scrutinize everyone. I could trust myself to make the right choices. If I made a mistake I could love myself to forgive myself.

My life opened up. I still falter and make mistakes. But the fear and restriction are lessened"

Does Paris Hilton trust herself? Can you trust yourself? Learn how to trust yourself and make the right choices for your life.

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Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Are You a Self Disciplinarian?

How do you Treat Yourself?

I am sure there are people in your life that are special. Maybe you even love some of these special people. Lets' start with your family. There are family members that are special and whom you love. How about your pets? Possibly even some friends that you feel this way about. How do you treat people you love and feel are special? Probably with care, affection, fondness, kindness, and thoughtfulness. And I bet you cut them slack when they don't always live up to your expectations of them.

How do you treat yourself? Is it the same way you treat those special people in your life? No, why not? Aren't you special? Do you ever actually appreciate yourself?

Don't you deserve to be cut some slack when you do not live up to your own expectations. Do you expect more from yourself than others? It is fine to expect more from yourself than from others. But if you do not always live up to your expectations do you punish yourself? What is the point of having higher expectations if it leads to more punishment when you disappoint yourself? How does this type of thinking enhance your life?

What is going on here is action-reaction. What is missing is awareness and thought. Here is your scenario. You expect something of yourself. You fall short. You are disappointed and punish yourself. You speak to yourself in a harsh tone. You rag on yourself.

What happened to first thinking about this? Did you give it your best effort. No, okay here is a place to start. Revamp and re consider what other effort you could have used. Can you try that now? Disciplining yourself is a waste of them and can actually stop you from putting in your best effort ever.

Here is an example of this. I have a friend Gina. She has a dog that is practically her whole life. She takes her dog with her everywhere. Yet there are times she should not take her dog with her because her attention can not be focused on her dog. She does not keep a collar on her dog. She is under the belief that her dog does not like wearing a collar. One day she lost her dog while she was on a trip. This was a time she should have left her dog home. This was a time her dog should have worn a collar.

She called me up hysteric that her dogs was lost. Gina was distraught. This dog was the love of her life.

By some miracle her dog was found and returned to her. Did Gina learn a lesson and keep a collar on her dog? No. Why? Gina was so busy reproaching and hating herself for losing her dog that she did not think straight.

If she treated herself in a loving way she could have had the following conversation with herself.

• “I should leave my dog home when I can not watch her with proper attention”
• “I should keep a collar on my dog in case she gets lost”
• “I need to take care of my dog”
• “I need to put the safety of my dog first”

This leads to a plan and a solution to avoid what happened in the future. This type of thinking puts what happened in a perspective. Gina made a mistake. She made an error in judgment. She will learn from this so she can avoid it in the future.

Instead this was the conversation Gina had with herself.

• “Why wasn't I more careful?”
• “Why did my dog run away?”
• “Why was I distracted?”
• “Why was that person asking me such stupid questions and distracting me?”
• “Why didn't I watch my dog better?”
• “Why am I such a bad person?”
• “Why am I so incompetent?”
• “Why didn't I pay closer attention?”
• “Why do I have bad luck?”
• “Why did this happen to me?”
• “How could I have been so stupid, careless, bungling?”

This thinking leads to no solution, no plan. This thinking is thoughtless. This thinking assumes that you are not capable of avoiding this in the future. This thinking is not concentrated. You are blaming yourself, your dog, other people and circumstances.

You are blaming. You are not solving. You are not going any where except in a circle of blame.

So next time before you get out the whip and use it on yourself, DON'T. STOP. Think, review and remember how you treat those that are special and loved.

Fast track yourself to end self punishment. Fast track to treat yourself with care, fondness and love. Fast track yourself to get away from blaming. Fast track yourself to solutions and plans that will benefit yourself and those you love.

This product will show you how.

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Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Get Rid of Guilt

Question: How can you be assertive without hating yourself for limiting someone else's freedom?

I studied this question for a while. I was not sure how to answer it. I was puzzled how to answer it because it is not a question that makes sense to me. The part that confused me was being assertive and hating yourself and limiting someone's freedom.

Hating yourself is a rather strong term. For me to hate myself I would have to commit a very horrible act. An extreme cruelty that was deliberate. Even then I would be disappointed with myself over that action or behavior. I am not sure I would hate myself. I would have to ask forgiveness from myself and of course the person I harmed.

For me being assertive does not equate with "limiting someone's freedom." To me limiting someone's freedom would entail slavery, prison, taking away their livelihood, handicapping them physically etc. Pretty horrible stuff.

One characteristic of being assertive is doing what is right for you. An example of this would be if someone invited you to do something with them. You have other plans. You do not spend the day with your friend. You follow through with the plans you made. How are you limiting your friend's freedom? Your friend is free to do what they choose and they are also free to find another companion if they choose.

Another characteristic of being assertive the ability to say "no". Just because someone asks you to do something does not mean you have to do it. If you say no because you are not willing or able to perform the task that is your choice. I can not see how you are limiting someone else's freedom by making a choice.

I think what the question is getting at is the questioner feels "guilty" if they do not do what everyone wants them to do. You may do things in life that other people are not in agreement with. However, that is really not their business.

If you feel you are limiting someone's freedom by engaging in worthwhile pursuits of your choice there could also be a problem in your relationships with other people. Perhaps the people you assoicate with use guilt to control you. Best to get away from someone like that as quickly as possible.

If that is not the case and you are causing your own guilt then it is time for you to do some serious soul searching. Somewhere along the line you got a lot of thoughts, beliefs and ideas mixed up on your head.

Either way guilt is an emotion that is limiting, draining and destructive. It is mentally and physically destructive to yourself. It is also harmful to those around you.

I would purchase this product immediately. With this type of thinking help is mandatory.

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This is one of those cases where procrastinating will only harm you. It is time for you to examine this and start to enhnace your life.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

The Air of Confidence

I posed the question, “How can you tell if someone is confident.?”

The overwhelming answer was, “Body Language. How someone carries themselves. An air they elude”

What is this all about? It seems that if you are confident people will just know it. There will be something about you that can not be exactly expressed in words. I think what it also means is there is something inside of you that is readily apparent to all. Kind of like the expression, “It is what inside of you that counts.”

Confidence starts from your thoughts. I f you think confidently you will appear confident. If you believe in yourself others will know this. There will be something special about you that other people notice.

There were also other answers that were quite illuminating.
Replying with enthusiasm.
Relaxed voice
Smiling
Interested in other people
Other people feel good to be with you

Replying with enthusiasm means giving thought to what someone said or asked you. When you reply with enthusiasm you are uplifting not depressing.
A relaxed voice means there is no tension in you voice. Once again you are relaxed so others feel relaxed around you.

Smiling gives people a positive message. It means you are enjoying yourself and enjoying them.
Confident people are interested in other people not themselves. Being interest in what someone has to say creates a rapport.

People like to be around confident people. Confident people show respect for other people. Confident people value other people.

Being confident is a plus in your personal as well as business life. Work will much easier for you if you are confident. People will want to work and co operate with you.

The overall pattern here is that when you are confident you are helping other people feel important, valued and respected. You are doing this by just being confident. You do not have to be the center of attention. Your attention is balanced. People are naturally attracted to you.
There are ways to elude confidence. There are ways to be true to yourself. There are ways to be attractive to other people. You have to start from within yourself. This is a great product that can teach you how.

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Check it out. Learn how to attract other people and be attractive.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach