Your Self Improvement Toolshop

Do you "Pretend" to do too Much?

2007-05-22T09:05:00.000-06:00

I have a friend, Tessa. Actually she is leaving the friend category and moving to the acquaintance category.

Let me tell you why. I have known Tessa for two years. Tessa and I met a club. Tessa volunteered for almost every position that was open at this club. I actually volunteered for one of the positions but Tessa took over. She made a statement that she had to leave early so she is volunteering for everything and then left the meeting instantly. I had no time to say anything.

I got over it. After Tessa volunteered for everything she rarely attended the club meetings. Once in a while she would pop in and say she is sorry she is busy and will get going shortly. Then we did not see her again at the meetings until she would pop in again and say the same thing.

Eventually there was a discussion of where she was and what was she doing. Did she leave the club? No one was happy with Tessa. She took on a responsibility and did not follow through.

These questions were directed at me because I was her friend. I did not want to get down on her although I had to agree with the members. She volunteered for everything and was not in attendance nor did she do what she promised. All I could say was that I would call her.

Tessa suffers from "pretending to do too much." This is true in her personal life also. If I call her to just talk she is too busy. If and when we can talk all Tessa talks about is what she has to do. Yet she rarely gets anything done. She is still attempting to do things she wanted to do two years ago. Not long range, big things. Just little every day things like cleaning a room in her house.

Once Tessa told me she has a slight (?) problem with organization and getting things done. I told her I could help her with that. She never took up the offer. Actually she was a little defensive with my offer.

When you suffer from "pretending to do too much" this is a typical reaction.

If I take apart Tessa's behavior I see a person that is disorganized, in chaos and unable to get out of that state. Thinking you are busy can allow you to run away from what is really going on in your life. I mean how can you look at much? You are too busy and you have so much to do?

This behavior is also a way to feel sorry for yourself. You set yourself up to fail and you do fail. Tessa knows she is not accomplishing anything. Every time she starts to do what she needs to a "pretend" emergency pops up and she has to take care of the "pretend" emergency. By the end of the day all she has done is deal with "pretend" emergencies.

Here is the really bizarre thing. The more Tessa "pretends" how busy she is and what she has to do the less prodcutive Tessa is. Yet Tessa does not recognize this. Likewise the less Tessa gets done the more down she is on herself. And this feeling is better to sit with than the ones she is running away from.

What a crazy way to live, but we all have been there. The problem is not that we have all been there but only if we stay there like Tessa.

So how do we get out of this whirlpool?

First off realize that volunteering to do too much will not make you important or respected. It won't. It will just piss people off if you do not follow through.

Second recognize what you really need to do and what can wait.

Third do not get distracted by "pretend" emergencies. Stick to what you decied to get done. Then do it.

Lastly stop running away from those problems that are giving you stress and sorrow. You may not be able to solve them but you must acknowledge them. If you don't you will be like Tessa. You will be running around in a circle disappointing yourself and those around you.

Next you will get angry and feel unappreciated. Next you will either get pissy or depressed. All because you "pretended" to be too busy.

Gte back into your life. You can't run away from it. It follows you wherever you go.

If you must feel important then feel important becasue you accomplished something. Not beause you volunteered for everything and then did nothing.

If you are another Tessa get help now. Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Succeed with your Goals

2007-05-18T11:17:00.000-06:00

Remember those New Years resolutions you made. Have you kept any of them? Most likely not.

You made them with good intentions. But your follow through was lacking. New Years resolutions do not mean much if you can not carry them out.

I would guess that it is more than New Years resolutions that are not carried out. It is probably a lot of your resolutions that are not carried out.

How can you correct this? The first question is did you make too many resolutions? How about going with just one and working on that. It also must be specific. I want to loose weight is not specific. I want to loose 20 pounds is specific.

Once you have picked one specific task you need to dissect it. Break it down into daily steps. How can you go about losing 20 pounds? Diet and exercise would be a good way to go.

Now you know what you need to do. How will you do it? Will you join a gym, exercise class, outdoor exercise such as walking or will you do this at home? It can also be a combination of all three. Try to choose the one or ones that you are most likely to follow through with. If you know you will never be motivated to exercise at home do not pick that choice.

Next plan your exercise schedule. Yes you must schedule your exercise. It is best to schedule it for the same time each day. Also plan how long you will exercise. No matter how much time you plan for to start with consider that you will be upping the time in the next few weeks.

Next is the easy to say part but the hard to do part. Follow through. Start the exercise plan. If you miss a day ignore it. Continue with your schedule. Do not obsess about your progress. Focus on your schedule not the results. Keep going.

As for part two diet. This also must be a plan and a schedule. You must always plan ahead to keep on target. If you are invited out to eat check with the restaurant ahead of time what is on the menu. This way you can plan your meal. Keep planning for success not failure. Put the extra time and effort in to succeed.

Do not create a menu that will be excessively restrictive. If you must have chocolate allow yourself some chocolate. If you make your plan too rigid you will not succeed. This is how the best of intentions go awry.

If you slip keep going. Just forget about your slip. All a slip means it that it may take a little longer to reach your goal. Do not use a slip as way to stop what you are doing.

In summary, first you must establish a clear specific goal. Next you must plan daily how you will accomplish that goal. Make sure the plan is setting you up to succeed not fail.

Next you must schedule the activities you will do to achieve your goal.

Then you need to do them.

If the unexpected comes up plan around it. Do what you can to keep on your scheduled goal activities.

Ignore any slips. Keep going.

Remember to focus on your schedule, not your progress. If you keep on target progress will come.

If you think about this you will notice that you do this automatically already for the goals you reach.

Take your goals seriously. Take your schedule seriously. Focus on your efforts not the results. The results will come. Keep going.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Browse here.

Dream Job Don't Get Scammed

2007-05-17T07:07:00.000-06:00

Work at home and do not get scammed. That is it. Get the report and you will avoid the traps and pitfalls of the scammers.

Look before you leap. Then leap.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Whats Up?

2007-05-16T16:00:00.000-06:00

It is spring. Summer is quickly approaching. What season are you in with your life. Where are you at? What's going on? What's up?

I like to do polling and see the mental states of people. The pulse I am getting is that some of you are perfectly happy with where you are in life. You are feeling good and pleased with your life. I am happy to hear that.

Unfortunately most of you are just getting by. You are apathetic. You would like some change but you just can not get around to it.

You lack motivation. You lack desire. You are treading water. You are putting in effort to stay where you are even though you are disappointend with where you are.

If you think about this you will realize it makes no sense. By treading water and putting in effort you are wasting time and energy.

The time and energy you put into staying where you are can be used to go somewhere else. What is that about?

You are motivated to stay where you are. You desire to stay where you are. You are disappointed with where you are.

What's up with that?

Isn't it time you stopped this charade? Isn't it time for you to make a change? Isn't it time for you to get your act in gear?

If you are depressed then get a handle on it now.

If you are procrastinating then learn how to stop.

If you need to get your head on straight get going.

You can do it.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Humor can Expand Your Mind

2007-05-15T07:34:00.000-06:00

Q & A. I found this humorous and thought provoking post. It asks a question and then collects answers. The answers vary depending on who answered and their point of view.

There is no right or wrong answer. This is a question of opinion. Opinion is just someones point of view. There may be facts and reason to back up the point of view. However, there may be other points of view with other facts and reason. It is up to you to decide or not which point of view makes sense to you. Perhaps most have some value to you. Perhaps you are not seeking an answer but a way to open your mind to think in a different way. Perhaps humour and satire will help you do this.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes the chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

***********************************************************************

Open up your mind. Deep thinking can do that but so can levity. Take a break today to laugh and smile.

Marcia. Your Confidence Coach

Monday Must Have

2007-05-14T06:50:00.000-06:00

It is Monday again. Fresh start, new week.

Are you willing to make a fresh start or are you dragging your feet? Did you have a week end where you got things done but it is never enough? There is so much more left to do.

If you examine this you will find out that you are probably expecting to do too much. Some things are probably not that important. Some things could be done easier and more efficiently. Some things could be delegated. Some things could be outsourced.

Of course that is up to you to take a look from a fresh perspective. If you are refusing to look from a fresh perspective you are probably one of those type of people that think you must do everything by yourself. Only you can and know how to do everything.

You think everything is important. You have not found efficiency. You refuse to delegate because it is not done "your way" or to your standards. Outsourcing is costly and you do not trust that anyway.

So here you are a person on the verge. Tired, stressed out, over worked, over loaded. Monday is not your fresh start. It is more drudgery.

Is this the life you want to lead?

I have one suggestion.

If you are an online marketer then this product will save you time. It will help with your efficiency. It is not expensive. It is an investment in you having a better life. It is an investment in getting rid of stress. It is an investment in cutting down work overload.

Since you are one of those obstinate people I am ordering you to purchase it. If I don't order you I know you will make up excuses not to get it. I use the word"make up" because that is what you do when you get the chance to ease your life. You make up excuses why you are the only one that must and can do everything yourself.

Yet you know this is not true. You can not do everything yourself. Look at how you feel today. Look at your backlog of things you did not do. Will you ever get them done? No!

Break the mold. Drop it. Stop it.

Get this product and put some ease into your life. Get off the "only I can do everything" merry go round. Make Monday a fresh start. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS This is your MONDAY MUST HAVE.

Confidence 101

2007-05-12T07:03:00.000-06:00

I found this great site about confidence.

CONFIDENCE 101

Enjoy the week end.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Confidence Countdown

2007-05-10T09:29:00.000-06:00

Where does confidence come from? It comes from you.

I want to share with you a story about my friend, Jim. Jim is good looking. Tall and handsome. He has a nice way about him. He is not shy but he is not a huge talker. Jim is not the life of the party but when he speaks it is with meaning.

Jim was the darling of his family. His parents did not purposely favor him out of his six other siblings, but they did favor him. His parents had a special bond with him.

In high school Jim was captain of the football team, homecoming king, the golden boy. Jim was voted most handsome, most likely to succeed, best athlete etc.

Today Jim is 44 years old. He is depressed and disillusioned. He has lost his business, in debt and he gave up his residence. He is not homeless. He lives with a woman. It is not a relationship of love. It is a relationship of desperation. Both are addicted to drugs and share that life.

When Jim graduated high school it was assumed he would go to college and continue being a football star. This did not happen. Jim did not choose to go to college. Many people wondered why. Jim never shared that reason with his admirers. He did share it with me.

After graduating high school Jim got a blue collar job. The job was okay and Jim earned a decent living.

He met a woman that he fell in love with. She was an ambitious lady who came from a wealthy background. Jim did not come from a wealthy background. He came from a blue collar background. He was not ashamed of this. His family was hard working and so was Jim.

The love and marriage lasted long enough for Jim and Terra (his wife) to have a baby. But the marriage was going downhill pretty quickly and Jim and Terra both knew it.

What happened? Jim became an alcoholic and also addicted to drugs. It was the only way he could get through the day. Jim felt like a fraud. He did not feel confident. He felt like he was always faking it and some day soon everyone would find out.

That is why he did not go to college. He did not feel confident to tackle the academics. That is why he did not pursue football. He did not feel confident in his athletic abilities. He did not believe he was a leader. He did not believe in himself.

He lacked confidence. Despite appearances and all his accolades Jim did not believe in himself. Jim did not feel confident about himself nor his abilities.

That is why confidence comes from within you. You may not end up like Jim but you will be unhappy.

Appearances do not count. Successes do not count. Not if you believe you don't deserve them and they are accidents. Not if you believe you are a fraud and you will be found out any minute. You must believe in yourself.

How do you start to believe in yourself?

First you connect with yourself. Recognize that what you do accomplish is due to your efforts and skills. Do not take what you have achieved for granted.

Second recognize the love people are offering you. Accept it. Do not fight it.

Third understand that a compliment is a compliment. If you are admired and adored there is a reason. You have touched someone in a special way.

Fourth accept do not reject what is offered to you. Accept yourself. Do not reject yourself.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Internet Marketing Mania Continues

2007-05-09T11:18:00.000-06:00

I am still reminding you about Internet Marketing Mania. The package will not go away. Anyone that wants it can get it. There is no countdown and no the price will not be increased.
Why? Because the maniac just wants to share this wonderful package with you. The maniac wants to make some money and the maniac wants you to be successful and make some money too.

Of course the maniac does not know you but the maniac appreciates something of value and the maniac is sure you do too. The maniac also appreciates a low purchase price for something worthwhile and is sure you do too.

Did you look at what you get? Please don't tell me you did not look at the package. Shame on you. How do you know you don't need it? Unless you are one of those playing at being an internet marketer. Then you are right. You don't need it.

But if you are not one of those then go check it out. Every day you wait you waste time doing things the hard way. Everyday you wait you loose time. Everyday you wait you have to work harder.

Time is of the essencce. GET MARKETING.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Internet Marketing Mania

2007-05-08T08:09:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I gave you the heads up on Internet Marketing Mania and the "maniac."

Today I am going to drill you. Why? Because if you did not get this product I must show you the error of your ways? Why? because I want to save you from yourself. Why? Because I want to help you make it and make it big.

What if I told you that you could spend less time on the technical, dull, irritating activities you must do for your internet marketing business? What if I told you that you could use this new found time on more important things in your business or personal life?

Would you argue with me and say, "No, Marcia. I want to waste my time doing things the long hard way. I don't want to do things the easy, time saving way."

Would you argue with me and say, "No, Marcia. I do not want to spend my time on important business and personal things. No, Marcia. I do not want to spend more time with my family. No, Marcia. I do not want to spend more time with my honey. No, Marcia. I do no want to spend more time doing what I enjoy."

Would you argue with me and say, "No Marcia. I am successful but I do not want the time to enjoy my accomplishments?"

Of course not. You would run and get Internet Marketing Mania. CLICK HERE.

I knew you were smart. I just knew you needed to be enlightened. Now you are. So get on the ball. Make your life easier.

"He who hesitates is lost" Do you want to be lost?

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Internet Marketing Maniac on the Loose

2007-05-06T14:18:00.000-06:00

I have something great, wonderful, exciting to share with you only if you are serious about Internet marketing.

It does not matter what stage your are in with you Internet marketing business. What matters is that you are sincere and serious.

The Internet Marketing Maniac (I know it is a crazy name) has put together a software package that every serious Internet marketer needs and must have. Needs and must have if you want to make your business simpler and easier and more successful.

This is a package of NINE pieces of software. The rule in advertising is not to tell the price. When you are marketing you should not tell the price. Okay I have said that twice....... And I am going to tell you the price.

Why am I breaking the marketing rules? Because the price is ridiculous inexpensive. I'd be a fool to not tell you the price.

Drum roll..................$97.00 for TEN pieces of excellent, state of the art, must have software. That is $9.70 per piece of software. Internet Marketing Mania is brought to you by the Internet Marketing Maniac. He must be a maniac to price this product so low.

He is probably chastising himself right now for such a low price but too bad for him. You will buy it and have it and use it and he can't take it back. It is yours for this super, crazy, low price.

Get it now before The Internet Marketing Maniac gets sane and raises the price.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Come on In

2007-05-04T06:13:00.000-06:00

Visitors are welcome.

GET OPT INS FREE

2007-05-02T08:14:00.000-06:00

P O P Q U I Z

"This tool is designed to add thousands of opt-in leads to your list for virtually zero effort - and all 100% free"
What is it?
Click here to find out:

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Happiness

2007-05-02T07:26:00.000-06:00

HAPPINESS. I looked for some pics that showed happiness. Most were of children. They look happy.

Happy Baby

Happy Toddler

Where are all the happy adults? Couldn't find many. Yet they are on TV in sit coms, commercials. They get paid to act and appear happy. While they are getting paid to look and act happy do you think they feel happy?

I think they actually do feel happy. So how about if you pay yourself to feel happy? Hear me out. I know this sounds unconventional, okay nuts.

Here is how it could go. You are now feeling happy. Reward (pay) yourself. You can praise yourself. You can put some money in a jar. You can pamper yourself. You see you can reward yourself. Now your mind is running thinking about what kind of kind acts you can do for yourself. See this is not so nuts anymore.

Here is the flip side. You do not feel happy. You are going to act and appear happy. I know you think you can't do it the way you feel. But you can, just like the TV people.

Use the same rewards and incentives you used when you felt happy. It will work. Give it a little time. Giggle while you do it. Giggling can start the happiness feeling. Laughing can also so laugh at the idea.

I know you are still shaking your head. I am okay with that. You don't come here for the usual, same old same old. You come here for the new, unusual, fresh, intersting, unconventional approaches.

Start to look and feel like this.

GET SOME HAPPINESS!

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Free Special Report

2007-04-30T05:31:00.000-06:00

Monday Surprise. I know you do not look forward to Mondays. So I wanted to brighten your work week.

I have a special free report for you. It is about working at home in the 21st century. That means right now, today, this year.

I know those that are in the money are going to check it out. Those in the money are always on the look out to make more money. Maybe money is the by product and their real motive is to accomplish and learn something.

So if you are not in the money are you willing to look at it? Funny question but the truth is those not in the money have a restrictive mind set. You tend to accept that this is not for you. I am here to tell you this is for you.

Why??? Because you deserve this. So brighten your Monday work week.

The secret to get this report for free that sells for $97.00 is to click on the gold key. Share the wealth and tell someone else about this also.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Join the Movement

2007-04-27T07:01:00.000-06:00

JOIN THE MOVEMENT

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Confidentially Speaking

2007-04-27T06:39:00.000-06:00

CONFIDENCE. That is a big word with an even bigger meaning. It has 3 syllables. CON FI DENCE.

So what does it mean? So what is it? We all want it. We all admire it. We all lack it at times. We all get annoyed at people with too much of it. We all feel better when we have it.

Confidence is personal. Confidence is not permanent. Confidence is not tangible. Confidence is a matter of opinion.

People I think have Confidence

someone that has a deep spiritual belief

someone that gets things done

someone that can step outside of themselves

someone that can admit they made a mistake

someone that takes responsibility for their behavior

someone that i can learn from

someone that does not complain

someone that can overcome disappointments

someone i want to be around

someone that can support me at times

someone that does not brag

someone that tells the truth

someone that can inspire me

someone that is authentic

someone that is real

someone with a sense of humor

There are probably more "someone with" but for the time being I think this is enough to get you thinking. Is there someone I know that is like this 24/7. No, of course not. Is there someone like this that strives to be like this? Yes. Is there someone that is more like this than less like this? Yes.

When I am around people that are confident I feel good. I feel good being around them because I know that they make every attempt to choose the words that come out of their mouths. They choose wisely because they know that what they say is a reflection of them, not the other person they are speaking of or with.

Once you realize that how you behave and what you say is solely a reflection of you and only you then you can start to develop confidence or find the confidence you already have.

Confidence needs to be cultivated. Confidence can be learned. Confidence can be developed. Browse here to find some help.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Improve your Business

2007-04-25T06:06:00.000-06:00

I have shared with you some awesome products that can give your business the self improvement it needs.

You know you want to pump up your business. You know it needs more help.

You need to spend money to make money. You do not need to spend huge sums of money but you do need to fund your business. Spending on education and learning how to make your business successful is vital.

The products I have shown you are cost effective and fairly inexpensive. They are an investment in yourself and your business.

Businesses fail due to poor decision making. A poor decision could be to not fund your business. A poor decision could be to not educate yourself about how to operate your business.

Business logic is funny. Sometimes you think you have a genius idea and it tanks. It tanked because genius ideas and business success do not always go hand in hand.

That is why purchasing a product that has been developed and tested is the better choice than a genius idea.

So check out the products and find the one that will help your business succeed.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS If you buy any product I have shared with you I want to give you a bonus. E mail me your receipt to arnold@selfimprovementtoolshop.com to get your bonus.

Business in a Box

2007-04-24T09:57:00.000-06:00

The Affiliate Business Blueprint

What is this all about??? I could be snappy and truthful and say this is about having a business blueprint for an affiliate.

Having a business is good. Being an affiliate is beneficial because you can have a business and market someone else's product. Having a blueprint is certainly worthwhile.

I have found an unbiased review of this product that you can view.

Affiliate Business Blueprint eBook Review

Review Author: Terah Logan

Affiliate Business Blueprint.

Brought to you by Jim Edwards and Rosalind Gardner.

These two affiliate marketers take the daunting task of marketing other peoples products (affiliate marketing) and break it down into basic steps that you can apply to any product and niche you wish to market online.

It truly is a `Blue Print'. I have used their suggestions - step by step - and achieved results that were fast and effective. The course is presented in PDF format as well as mp3's of their tele-seminars. You can listen to the whole course and then read the transcripts. I was very pleased with the presentation of this course.

While they don't offer you any bonuses - Jim and Rosalind say the product is so good they don't have to offer `bonuses' - the information is complete. It's a big package with solid information pertaining to all aspects of affiliate marketing. From deciding which affiliate programs are worth your while, to designing your website and the content it should contain, to the exact approach you should take to win your customers confidence thus creating a 24/7 income stream. The advice given is suitable for beginners as well as seasoned marketers.

If you only buy one Affiliate Marketing information product I would have to say this one should be it. This product is professional with tried and true affiliate marketing techniques; it is presented in an entertaining, eye-opening format that is sure to please.

*********************************************************************

Here is the exciting part. If you purchase this product from me here I will give you a bonus. I will give you Auto Responder Magic.

All you have to do is e mail your receipt to arnold@selfimprovementtoolshop.com and I will send you your bonus.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Create Your Own Product

2007-04-23T06:14:00.000-06:00

Are you imaginative, creative, with a desire to create and improve on something already in existence? Have you heard of public domain?

There are many pamphlets and books in the public domain. There are also lovely illustrations in the public domain. What this means is that you have the right to reproduce these pamphlets, books and images. You can do this without paying a dime and it is all legal.

Why do you care about this? Because you are imaginative, creative and have an idea. By using things in the public domain you can create your own product. You can obtain something in the public domain and use it for your own purposes. You can market a product in the public domain.

Suppose you are interested in the history of gardens. You can find something in the public domain and update, reproduce and put your personal touch on. Then you have the right to market this product however you choose.

You do not have to start from scratch if you want to have your own product to market. This is a unique approach to your home based business.

The ideas and products are only limited by your imagination and creativity.

Check this out to learn how to do this.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Essentials of Good Copy Writing

2007-04-22T07:36:00.000-06:00

Short take on Keys to Good Copy Writing

1. Know Your Product
You must be familiar with your product. Buy it, try it, test it. You should not endorse a product you do not believe in.

When you are enthusiastic about the product your copy will be much easier. You will be speaking from facts and truth.

2. Know Your Customer
Who is the person that will be buying your product. Some simple categories are sex, age, geographical region, income, occupation. Once you have this narrowed down you need to create copy that this customer will relate to. Do not write copy you will relate to. Write to connect with your customer.

3. Test Drive your copy
Find a couple of people who more or less fit your customer data profile and have them navigate through your site/copy. Ask them specific questions about your site/copy as well as their experience of your site/copy. Confusing web sites/copy is the NUMBER ONE reason people leave or will not buy your product.

3. Stress Benefits
Your customer wants your product because it will solve a problem for them and provide a benefit to them. Your customers are interested in hearing about this. Your customers do not want to hear about you. They want to hear about your product and what it can do for them. What can your product do for your customer? How long will the results take?
Can it make your customer rich?
Can it save your customer time?
Can it entertain your customer?
Can it make your customer feel better?
That's what people want to hear and know.

Your headline or header should contain your product's greatest benefit. In bold letters and a compelling color such as red will attract attention and eye contact to your headline. The first few words should talk directly to your customer.

People do not read very word on your page. They will scan. They will look for something that seems interesting and important to them.

You have about10 seconds to grab your visitor's attention. If you don't, they will move on.

That means you need to have a headline that is direct, clear and something your customer wants to read. Another thing to consider is that E Consumers are doing pother things while they are looking at your copy. They are also button oriented and they will click away the minute they loose interest. So you must give your customers a reason to stay.

4. Provide Trust
E customers are skeptical of the Internet. If you are not a name brand you will have to convince your customers that you are reliable, trustworthy and will give them good value for their money. Therefore your copy will have to convey this. One way to reassure your customers is to offer a free trial, a money-back guarantee. You can provide testimonials. You should include your e-mail address, physical address and phone number at the bottom of every page. You can also use a (small) photograph of yourself etc.

Use short, clear sentences. Use small paragraphs. Avoid technical info in the main part of your sales page. You can provide this at the end of your copy if necessary.

Be sure the font is large and readable. Be straightforward.

Try to be interesting. Use dramatic, descriptive words. Once you are done read your copy out loud. Try to punch it up by shortening sentences and adding adjectives.

8. Create Urgency
The one thing you do not want is for your customer to read your copy and think the product is great but they will come back and get it later. They probably will not. Add a bonus. Give your customers something special to purchase now.

9. Get A Response
Make sure you ask your customers to book mark your page. Offer something that your customers can get now for free if they choose not to buy your product. That way you can keep in contact with them.

10. Spelling, Grammar and Formatting
Check your spelling. Check your grammar. Do not stress grammar over speaking in a natural tone.

11. Be Bold but avoid Exaggeration
Do not fill your copy with statements that are not believable.

If you want to get the whole scoop on good copy then visit here. Don't wait because you only get one shot to impress and communicate with your customers.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

How to Write Your Own E Book

2007-04-21T11:15:00.000-06:00

Are you an author dying to get your book written, published and promoted? YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF.
Read how.
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Let's Get One Thing Straight About Being A Published Author-

by Jim Edwards and David Garfinkel (c) 2002 - All Rights reserved-

Just for fun, evaluate the following statement: "Most people want to write a book and get it published, but that's simply impossible 99% of the time.

"Is the above statement true? Not exactly. What's true is that most people THINK they can't write a book and get it published. And while that's a widely-held belief, just the opposite is true. In fact, it's easier to write and get published today thanever before - especially thanks to the ebook "revolution."

The field of ebooks is literally wide open for all who are interested - including, perhaps, you!What does it take to write and publish your own ebook?

Three things:

1) A TOPIC you are interested in that others would also liketo know more about.

2) The DESIRE to get the ebook written (note - you can writeit yourself, but you don't have to. There are other proven and simple ways to get your ebook written and published foryou.)

3) A simple, one-page, "sales letter" WEB SITE to sell theebook.

Does it take a lot of money or any special aptitudes? Oddly enough, not really. You have to be willing to take action, certainly, and learn as you go, but there are no special educational, financial or talent requirements to become a successful ebook author. The truth is, it costs very little to get started.

You can get a domain registered and online for as little as $9 to start and $6 a month for website hosting. In fact, there are actually six ways you can create an ebook without ever writing a word of it - so you don't need to be a skilled writer.

We'll tell you about one of them, in-depth, right now.Think of a topic you know something about that you'd like to write an ebook on. Once you have that topic in mind, then all you need to do is write a list of questions other people would pay to get the answers to... give that list to a friend... have the friend call you on the phone and ask you those questions... record the call... have the recording transcribed... and edit the transcription! Presto - you've just created a "meaty" ebook fast! (Yes, itreally is that simple!)

By the way, if you don't want to transcribe or edit the ebook yourself, you can get both of those things done for you for surprisingly little money... as little as a few hundred dollars, total, in many cases. That's how we wrote our most recent ebook. As authors ourselves, we came up with a list of questions, got on the phone, recorded the answers, and had the entire 4 1/2 hour conversation transcribed. Using this phone call -transcription - edit route we created an ebook in about a week. It cost us a total of $163 to produce it. (We hired out the transcription, and did the editing ourselves.)So far we've spent *zero* money on advertising and, as we write this article today, we've sold over $49,683 worth of that ebook in less than six months!

We're not unique in that way. We know many others who have successfully published ebooks - including another small publisher who has used this exact same method to create dozens of ebooks.If you can clearly understand a specific problem, want, need or desire of a large enough target audience and then create a publication that helps them get what they want, you stand to make a lot of money and help a great number of people at the same time.

If there ever was a "golden age" of publishing, NOW is the time. The truth of the matter is, today anyone can become a published author with an ebook in less than a couple of weeks. Between us, we have 11 ebooks online and we're making money every day, even as you read this.

You can do the same. Opportunity awaits you right now. It's never been easier to seize the day and go for your dream - become a published author!--

Jim Edwards and David Garfinkel are co-authors of "eBookSecrets Exposed," the authoritative resource for making alot of money quickly writing and publishing your own ebook. Guerrilla Marketing series author Jay Conrad Levinson says,"If ever there was a 'must-read' for this century, it's this book." For more information CLICK HERE

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

E Commerce Success Secrets

2007-04-20T06:29:00.000-06:00

I always like to find ways for you to get going on your path. Here is a great article for your e commerce success.

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3 Secrets to "Striking it Rich" in Cyberspace
- by Jim Edwards
(c) Jim Edwards - All Rights reserved

http://www.thenetreporter.com

In the few seconds it takes you to read this another domain name gets registered at www.NetworkSolutions.com, theInternet's oldest and largest domain name registrar.

Everyone from industrial giants to corner flower shops currently wants to stake a profitable claim in cyberspace.

The lure of low startup costs compared to brick-and-mortar operations and the promise of high rewards draws an ever-swelling crowd of merchants to the online marketplace.
Yet despite the optimism statistics tell us that 80% of these "e" businesses will fail within their first 12 months of operation.

People from all over the country ask me what it takes to succeed in the e-commerce world once they've completed the basic steps for getting online.

The following three keys virtually *guarantee success* for any online enterprise.

The First Key:
A Quality product or service with highly evident and readily understood benefits for consumers.
If your product or service does not represent the highest quality and value possible, and if consumers don't understand exactly why they should buy from you, the speed of the Internet will just expose your shortcomings to the marketplace that much quicker.

In the offline world a product's benefits, not the features,cause consumers to make buying decisions.

A man doesn't buy a car with a 5 liter engine because of the horsepower, he buys it for the feeling of supremacy and control he thinks it will give him.

Kids don't want a 1000mHz computer for computing power in doing homework, they want to play the latest games.

The Internet magnifies this "what's in it for me" benefits-driven evaluation by consumers.
Products or services presented with readily understood,self-serving benefits for consumers sell best online (andoff).

The Second Key:
An excellent website that loads fast, provides pertinent information to targeted consumers, and allows them to make online purchases quickly and securely.

Your website should: · Load fast by making conservative use of graphics. (Go to yahoo.com for an excellent example.)
· Provide exactly the information your potential customers want and need.
· Make it extremely easy for surfers to navigate your siteand find exactly what they want.
· Look good on both the Netscape and Internet Explorer web browsers at various screen resolutions (640x480, 800x600,etc.).

The Third Key:
Consistent, targeted website traffic by consumers capable of buying your product or service.
Imagine buying a 50 foot billboard and, instead of putting it out by the highway, you hid it in your basement. Nobody would see it! The same thing happens if you don't actively and continuously promote your website to attract visitors.

With its incredible speed and communications power, the Internet acts as a magnifying glass for any organization's strengths and weaknesses. E-commerce, e-mail, and a website won't do the job of marketing, selling, and customer service for any company. They will, however, help every organization perform all of those business functions better, faster, and less expensively with the real and tangible result of "strikingit rich" in cyberspace!
===============================================

Jim Edwards & David Garfinkel are co-authors of the NEW"eBook Secrets Exposed": How to Make MASSIVE Amounts ofMoney - In Record Time - With Your Own eBook!

WHY are some people getting positively RICH selling ebooks? Visit here http://hop.clickbank.net/?arnoldc/ebksecrets

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Dreams can Come True

2007-04-17T06:43:00.001-06:00

Dreams by: Author Unknown

We all have dreams and expectations. We imagine things, we keep thinking about what we want to be, what we want to do, what makes us proud and happy and what will we become.

We grew up, and things seemed like having its own way. We accept our success or failures and we move on. The rapid change, the need to do the urgent things, the works, the pressures and the failures, all kill part of our visions.

Things have changed, but they cannot really take away the dreams. We still have to dream on, to visualize our desires, our wants, our vision of our future, even when we are considered too old for such things.

Cornel (Colonel) Sanders started his business when he was sixty, and started the whole successful KFC business. The main thing is not the age - whether being too old, or too young, but it is the desire to dream on, and the courage to realize it.

Vivid visualization, taking it to sleep, thinking constantly about it, talking about it, planning it, adding all the spices to our dreams will make us a bit closer to the realization of our dreams.
Entrepreneurship starts with a dream, a simple wish of tiny restaurant operation, or a huge business of real-estate development, or a modest training center for English education, or just any other self-employed money earning fun.

The ability to dream on is one of the fine quality of human race that other species do not possess. So dream on, and put a deadline: make it a giant dream, a tiny one, an old everlasting one, a newfound one, a hobby related one, a change of life one, a religious one, a stupid one, a stroke-of-genius one, or just whatever...... just continue to dream on........ Then, Just Go and Do It!

***********************************************

Sound simple. Dreaming is easy. Making your dream a reality is the challenge. You can do it. The time to start is now.

You will need some help. Here is a place where you can find that help.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Better, Richer, Happier

2007-04-16T08:55:00.000-06:00

Do you think your life could be better, richer, happier? I know that your life can be better, richer, and happier. I also know that you can make this happen.

I also know that the way this will happen is:

Wish, Hope

Thought

Idea

Plan

Action

Is this a straight path? No. Is this a path? Yes.

You have a wish and hope. You may label this as a daydream. You experience this and at some point you make a judgement about it. Your judgement may be that this wish, hope is not possible. That is it for you. That is the end for you.

Suppose you do not take that path. Instead you have a thought about this wish, hope. You begin to think that this wish, hope could happen. Now you have the thought. You are thinking about this wish and hope with confidence and ability. You have not made a judgement. You are open to this wish, hope happening.

Next comes an idea. After thinking you develop an idea, a way to make this wish, hope happen. Things are rolling along for you now. This wish, hope is possible and there is the idea that it can happen. It can happen with a plan.

Now you are creating the plan. This may take some research and consulting. Or it may just pop into your head. However, it comes about it is solidifying.

Lastly comes the action you need to take to make the wish, hope a reality.

Can it be that simple? Yes. There may be gaps and stops between each step. You may falter and get lost at any step. This is where the path is not a straight line. But do you really care what the path is as long as you ge there? Are you obsessed with the path and not the destination? Is this where you get lost?

Is there where you make the judgement that this wish, hope is not possible? Is this the end for you?

Wherever you are on the path you can do it. When you need help get it. Stay on the path. Void the judgement.

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

TGIF

2007-04-13T07:18:00.000-06:00

TGIF. (Thank God it is Friday).!!!!

Is this one of your slogans? Do you live for Fridays? I know the work week is hectic. I know you have stuff to do. I know you are stretched for time. I know you are sharing your time with loved ones. I know that the expression, "So much to do. So little time." is in your head.

I also know that TGIF does not mean that now you can slack off. I know that TGIF does not mean you will have a long, lazy, relaxing week end. I know that TGIF probably means you can get a little, teeny, tiny breather. I know that TGIF means you have some time to tackle what you could not do during the week.

I know TGIF means you can spend some time with your family. But it may be not the "quality" time you are desiring. It will be the "doing good things for your family" time. It will be doing

important and responsible things for your family such as shopping, cleaning, watching and chauffeuring your children to activities. It may be the same duties to help out a parent, sibling or neighbor. It is clearly "doing good time" but the enjoyment comes from getting the deed done rather than in doing the deed.

Things you want to pursue for yourself are probably put off. They are in the back of your mind but your week end is scheduled. Is there a way to find time for yourself?

YES there is but you have to make the time. I know you don't have the time. You have so much to do. Your week end is already jam packed.

Here comes the finale. If you never make the time or find a way to make the time with outside help YOU ARE STUCK. This is what each TGIF will be like of you.

I am asking you to choose right now. Do you want help? Make the choice right now to get help. Make the decision right now.

I am offering you a place where you can visit 24/7. A place where there is information and products for you to help yourself. Make the decision and make the time. Learn how to create the time you want in your life.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Procratination Again

2007-04-12T05:43:00.000-06:00

I felt I had to provide another post on procrastinating. You probably read the last post "Procrastination Blues" and procrastinated.

Maybe just seeing the word "procrastination" turned you off and you did not read any further. I understand how you feel. However, you must force yourself to cope with procrastinating.

Procrastinating is harmful to you. You know that. How many times have you put yourself down because you delayed doing something important? How many times have you put yourself down because you disappointed someone you care about. You disappointed someone you care about by not keeping your word. You made a promise to do something with the best intentions but you just could not get around to doing it.

I know you are feeling uncomfortable as you read this. This is touching a nerve. Help yourself to feel better. Help yourself to overcome your procrastination now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Procrastination Blues

2007-04-11T07:47:00.000-06:00

Hopelessness

Helplessness

Overwhelmed

Don't know where to start

Don't know what to do next

Pressure

Stress

Fear of failure

Fear of success

Low energy

Not committed

Low priority

Lack of knowledge

Rebellion

Don't want to

Irritating

Unpleasant task

Unclear goals

Unsure of the reward if any

Jump to conclusions

Low tolerance

Lack of energy

Lack of enjoyment

Perfectionist

Here is a list that a you can relate to if you procrastinate. I did a search about the "habit" of procrastination. These are the reasons for procrastination. You are probably familiar with some of them. Some of them speak to you.

So now you know you procrastinate. Now you see some of the reasons for this habit.

Now comes the BIG question. Do you want to tackle procrastinating? I know the answer is yes and then you probably procrastinate. Now you are in the circle. You are in the circle of procrastinators. You go round and round with yourself about this. "I should stop. I want to stop. I will stop. Maybe tomorrow."

Here comes the cliche - "Today is yesterdays tomorrow." Sorry to be the messenger of this news but you knew it anyway.

So.... Let's get going. Let' get inspired. Let's take some action. Let's make a start. Let's make a commitment. Let's deal with procrastination TODAY.

Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Autopilot Profits R S G

2007-04-10T07:57:00.000-06:00

Ready Set Go!!!!

Ready - to start your own Internet Marketing Business.
Set - your business on Autopilot.
Go - get Autopilot Profits today.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Hurry up.

Auto Pilot Profits - Don't Wait

2007-04-09T08:12:00.000-06:00

Dear "Would Be" Interent Marketer,

PS: Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and it's toll on success and happiness is heavy - Wayne Gretzky

This is how I closed my last post "Auto Pilot Profits - Best $27 I Ever Spent. Check it out if you missed it.

I did a search on the internet for "procrastination." Did you know there are counseling services for procrastination? That would mean that it is serious.

It is serious. What does it mean to procrastinate? It means you you get into the habit of putting things off to last possible minute or you get into the habit of avoiding doing things. Get into the habit means it is something you do on a regular basis. Is this a habit you want to keep?

What happens when you procrastinate? You miss out on things. This is a major problem in your personal and business life. Doing anything at the last minute causes stress, resentment, guilt and frustration. The last minute means time is running out. You are in a hurry. You become sloppy. You do not put in your personal best. You make mistakes.

Procrastinators usually watch other people get what they want in life. Procrastinators usually feel sorry for themselves that they missed the boat. If you are a procrastinator you know all this.

If you are a procrastinator here is something to do to stop procrastinating. Here is something to break the habit of procrastinating. Don't get mad when I tell you this. Don't line up your excuses and reasons why you can't stop procrastinating.

Before I tell you I have to ask you this. Did you pass up Auto Pilot Profits? Did you procrastinate? If you did here is your chance to end procrastinating on one little thing. Don't be on the fence about Auto Pilot Profits. Get it now. End procrastination. Take some action. Be a doer. Break the habit.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS You have to go to the Auto Pilot Profits link to get your EXTRA, FREE BONUSES.

PPS Don't procrastinate.

Autopilot Profits - Best $27 I Ever Spent

2007-04-06T14:33:00.000-06:00

Today is Friday. It's the first Friday in a long time that I can kick back and relax. I've been working hard for the past few months and I deserve a break. The only problem was I couldn't give myself a break because I was busy working.

Then I purchased "Autopilot Profits"

I have to make a confession to you. I'm not very computer savy. Keeping that in mind I kept my fingers crossed while reading "Autopilot Profits."

I was elated! I could understand it, follow it and implement it.
Sure it was easy to use and implement. But does it work? Drumroll it works!

Have you found a way to give yourself a break today. If you purchase "Autopilot Profits" like I have you can get the break you deserve. I told you about it a few weeks ago. If you missed out here's your second chance. Because it's Friday I want you to get a break. If you buy "Autopilot Profits" from this link I will give you 2 (TWO) very powerful FREE bonuses.

I'm taking today off and spending it with my sweety. Who knows I may even splurge for dinner at Chez Paris.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS: Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and it's toll on success and happiness is heavy - Wayne Gretzky

Are you in Hurry?

2007-04-05T07:09:00.000-06:00

Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point."
*Harold B. Melchart

I really like this quote. Goals are important. Goals can keep you on track. Goals can help you focus. Goals can let you discover what is really important to you. Goals can also let you see what you have accomplished and where you need to go.

But do not become blind sided by your goals. You need to enjoy yourself while you are pursuing your goals. Goals are a part of your life. So is taking a breather and noticing where you are. Noticing and enjoying where you are.

Impatience is in all of us. We are in a hurry to get where we want to be. Yet, there is a difference between urgency and being in a hurry. Urgency motivates you to do soemthing. Being in a hurry is a state of mind where the end result is the only thing that is important.

Being in a hurry can actually be an obstacle to you. If you take the time to notice where you are you will get insight. These inights help you get to where you want to go. These insights may show you that you need to revamp. These insights may show you that you need a breather. These insights may show you that are on to something.

Hurrying and rushing will not give your time to process what is happening, where you are and where you came from.

Take some time to process what you are doing. Take some time to enjoy the beauty of where you are.

While you are observing this visit this wonderful place.

Here you will find many things for your enjoyment. At this wonderful place you will find many things for your journey.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Do You Give it Your All

2007-04-03T05:55:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of life. Things you have probably done too many times. I hope this story is a wake up call for you. I hope you keep it with you the next time you embark on doing something.

Builder, The by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized, we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."

Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

Join my newsletter.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Share this site with someone

Are You a Friend

2007-04-02T07:12:00.000-06:00

Are you a friend? It can be a big job. Check out this list and see where you are. Being proficient in this list is probably a lifetime job. Still it is worth pursuing. Remember, you do not do this for someone else but for yourself. You should always aspire to be your personal best. After all the one person you will be with for eternity is yourself.

A Friend... by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Change

2007-03-30T11:05:00.000-06:00

Five Short Chapters on Change

by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

Chapter 1.I walk down a street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. It takes forever to get out. It's my fault.

Chapter 2.I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It still takes a long time to get out. It's not my fault.

Chapter 3. I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It's becoming a habit. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4. I walk down the same street and see the deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5. I walk down a different street.

What is this all about?

Chapter 1
Here you are going about your day. Perhaps you are distracted. You are not watching where you are going physically and mentally. You fall into something physical or mental (a mindset.) Since you weren't thinking or looking it takes you a while to get out of this place or mess. You blame yourself for not paying attention.

Chapter 2
Oh no. You did not learn from your mistake and you did the same thing again. However, this time it was not your fault. Something got in your way and tripped you up. (again)

Chapter 3
Same old same old. You keep going down that same street but you still did not learn there is a hole there. You are now developing a habit of going somewhere you know will trip you up. You fall and you now know that you are responsible for not acknowledging the hole. You get out of it easily this time. You have learned how to get out of the mess but you still have not learned how to avoid the mess.

Chapter 4
Progress. You now know there is a hole. You avoid it but.... you are still going down that same avenue. You are still taking the long way and maybe the wrong way to get to where you want to go.

Chapter 5 Enlightenment, Consciousness. You have finally learned to choose a different path.

Is this you? Are you an obstinate learner? You do not have to be. Skip steps 2 through 4 and jump ahead to step 5. It is easy and you can do it. Here is how.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Sweet Dreams

2007-03-29T04:47:00.000-06:00

Grow Great by Dreams by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

The question was once asked of a highly successful businessman: "How have you done so much in your lifetime?"
He replied, "I have dreamed. I have turned my mind loose to imagine what I wanted to do. Then I have gone to bed and thought about my dreams. In the night I dreamt about my dreams. And when I awoke in the morning, I saw the way to make my dreams real.

While other people were saying, 'You can't do that, it isn't possible,' I was well on my way to achieving what I wanted." As Woodrow Wilson, 28th President of the U.S., said: "We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers."

They see things in the soft haze of a spring day, or in the red fire on a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nourish them through bad days until they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."

So please, don't let anyone steal your dreams, or try to tell you they are too impossible.

"Sing your song, dream your dreams, hope your hope and pray your prayer."
Thomas Edison tried two thousand different materials in search of a filament for the light bulb. When none worked satisfactorily, his assistant complained, "All our work is in vain. We have learned nothing."

Edison replied very confidently, "Oh, we have come a long way and we have learned a lot. We now that there are two thousand elements which we cannot use to make a good light bulb."

What do you dream of? Many of us have put our dreams aside. We have put our dreams aside because life inteferred. Our focus has moved from day to day survival and just getting through the day. Some of us were chastized for having dreams. Dreams are impractical. We were told to grow up. Some of us have put aside our dreams for a later date.

What dreams can you go back to and re incorporate into your life? Is there a difference between a goal and a dream? Are your dreams day dreams? Perhaps your dreams are temporary escapes into a world you believe you will not inhabit.

Perhaps it is time to re visit your dreams. Perhaps it is time to share these dreams with yourself and someone special that can support your dreams. Perhaps it is time for you to support yourself in seeking your dreams.

Visit my website and see what's there to help you re claim your dreams.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Desire

2007-03-27T09:24:00.001-06:00

"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Weak desire brings weak results."*Napoleon Hill

To desire is to wish for; to crave; to aspire to; to long for.

Desire is a hot emotion. It is a strong emotion. It is one of those emotions that you can drive you nuts. It can also be a strong motivator to get what you want. How many times have you achieved something becasuse you desired it? Was it easy to get what you desired? Probably easier to get what you desired than something you wanted to or needed.

Desire can get you moving. Desire can also help you separate what you really want and what you think you want.

How in touch are you with yourself? Can you differentiate what you desire from your other wants? Can you use desire to get you what you want?

Here are some quotes about "Desire"

Napoleon Hill

Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.

Denis Waitley

Out of need springs desire, and out of desire springs the energy and the will to win.

Claude M. Bristol

One essential to success is that your desire be an all obsessing one, your thoughts and aims be co-ordinated, and your energy be concentrated and applied without letup.

Christian Nevell Bovee

We trifle when we assign limits to our desires, since nature hath set none.

James Allen

To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve.

Bobby Unser

Desire! That's the one secret of every man's career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire.

Eric Hoffer

It sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents.

William James

If you care enough for a result, you will most certainly attain it.

Paul Vernon Buser

Desire, like the atom, is explosive with creative force.

Raymond Hollingwell

Desire creates the power.

As you can see there are a variety of takes on desire. What does it mean to you and how is it incorporated into your life? What do you desire? Let me know.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Disappointments

2007-03-27T05:02:00.000-06:00

How Do You Handle Disappointments?

I asked the question, "How do you deal with disappointments?"
I got a couple of different answers. I think they are all interesting takes on how to deal with disappointments.

I think that we will all experience disappointments. I do not think they are avoidable. I think that how we handle them is what is important. I also think we can learn from our disappointments. Sometimes they are a wake up call. Sometimes they are strong motivators. Clearly they are on our minds because these answers are definitive. Each one is a well concieved plan on how to handle disappointments. Kind of like there is a definitve approach to take.

In all the answers no one talked about feeling lost, hurt, lonely and sad.

That is what seems to be missing from these answers. Feelings are missing from these answers. I am a believer in experiencing your feelings and not stuffing them with actions. So the next time you are disappointed experience what that feels like. Don't avoid the feeling. Just move through it. Cry or scream if you need to. Once you have acknowledged how you feel then check out some of these suggestions. Let me know how you feel and deal with your disappointments.

Make it happen. If it's not something over which you have control, then let it go. Don't let your happiness rely upon something that someone else has direct control.

If you are disappointed it's your fault and you need to work on it. It's your responsibility to make it work for you

It depends on the scale of disappointment, but usually I'll just move on. If it's something bigger, then I might think of something special to get or do, which will cheer me up and make me forget the disappointment, at least temporarily.

There are no disappointments. When things don't happen the way you wanted them to, it's because you didn't set the right stage. So I think the problem here is to work on your setting rather to be depressed. And the outcome will always be in your favor. That's the way it works.

disappointments are blessings in disguise---everything happens for a reason.

try not to expect anything out of things or people If you expect nothing it's better to be pleasantly surprised rather than be angry or upset when something "lets you down". This goes for things or people.

I would find another way to make it happen. I don't obsess I keep on trying. Success means getting up one more time is my motto.

I just try to accept the fact that is simply isn't for me. I truly believe in God.. so if it were suppose to happen it will cause God has planed it for me ... If not then there is a solid reason.

For me, I just try not to get my hopes up. If you have low expectations...then there won't be much of a let down right?

Let me know how you deal with your disappointments.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Check out my website and see if there is some thing that can be of value to you.

What is Your Life About?

2007-03-26T08:05:00.000-06:00

For so many of us life is about getting by, making it through the day, surviving. It is like we are on a treadmill. We are putting in the effort, doing the work, trying our best but we never seem to get anywhere. Even when we see progress it is short lived. It is a momentary high we experience only to be jolted back to our reality. This one beam of sunshine is overshadowed by all our other problems and struggles.

This is the plight of your life at the present. But there is the future. And before you know it the future becomes the present. What if you could intervene in your future and create a new present? What if this new present was not drudgery and getitng by? What if this new present was one of getting what you wanted?

There is a way for this to happen to you. It won't be instantaneous. Sorry to be the bearer of that piece of information. I am not going to be disingenuous with you. When I look back at my accomplishments I had to work and struggle for them. Kind of like what you are doing right now except you don't get the rewards for what you are doing.

So why not do something that will give you the rewards? If you skeptical then keep doing what you are doing but.... add something to that. Do what you are doing plus something else.

Start a new project that will alter your future. Devise a plan and allocate time to this project.

Over time I will share with you some ideas and products that will put you on the path to altering your future. For now I just want this to soak in and let you get into a new mind set. I want you to invision getting off the treamill. I want you to envision putting some joy back into your life. I want you to envision getting the rewards you deserve.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS If you are in a hurry then check out some of my past posts.

Ewen Chia and Me

2007-03-25T13:58:00.000-06:00

I am an honest person. So I have to admit that I do not know Ewen Chia nor does he know me. I've seen his photo and he is kind of cute. But I am not here to discuss his looks. Rather I want to talk about one of his products Auto Pilot Profits.

I am intrigued by the internet. I am also intrigued by money. I'd like to say I don't want it but I do need it. I love to travel and that is where if I had more money I would be extravagant. Of course I like to eat and look nice and I need to pay for somewhere to live. I also like cable TV and music and shows and eating out (on occasion) and all these things require money.

You get the picture and know what I mean. It seems that essentials are expensive. The extravagances are sometimes out of reach. That is why I was interested in Ewen Chia's Auto Pilot Profits. I need money for the essentials as well as the extras. I also like to work for myself. Me and the boss don't always click.

Before I got Auto Pilot Profits I read a review. This review promised to discuss the product and include the pros and cons. The review convinced me to get the product. See for yourself.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS When you get the prodcut let me know how it works for you.

DVD TO IPOD

2007-03-24T19:09:00.000-06:00

Hey, that is not me. That is a logo for a really exciting product I discovered. Here's the scoop. I know you and your IPOD are best buds. You probably go everywhere together. Your IPOD had your fav tunes. But what about your fav DVD's? I bet you bought a lot of those boxed TV show DVD sets. You know the ones that have a whole season of your favorite TV show.

How would you like to watch those on your IPOD? This software product will easily transfer your DVD's to your IPOD for your viewing pleasure. Now you will be royally entertained anywhere. Anywhere your IPOD goes your entertainment goes also.

Check it out here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

You can be an Author

2007-03-22T17:44:00.000-06:00

I bet you have a lot to say. I also bet there are things you are interested in. Probably things you are even an expert in.

I also bet that some of these interests would be hobbies. Hobbies that you spend money on and enjoy very much.

How would you like to make money from these hobbies instead of spending money on these hobbies? How would you like to share your expertise and make money by doing that?

I know the answer, of course yes. One more questions? How would you like to learn how to write your own e book? Forget the hassle of a publisher. You are the publisher and you publish your e book on the Internet. And you make money from your e book. If you are ready for a book you can still write a report. Or you can consider writing fiction or poetry.

The choices are endless. All you need is your imagination. Jim Edwards has written an e book that tells you how to write an e book. He also tells you how to publish your e book. He also states you can do this in 7 days.

Amazing. Check it out and get your creative juices flowing.

Marci, Your Confidence Coach

Forgiveness

2007-03-21T09:38:00.000-06:00

FORGIVENESS
What happens to you when you cannot forgive?
Resentment
Hatred
Anger
Fear
Grudge Holding
Hostility
Struggle
Chained to the past
Self Righteousness
Self Pity
Negative Focus
Bitterness

Someone did you wrong. Someone hurt you. Can you forgive them? Never. Their behavior and actions were wrong, horrible, thoughtless, cruel, hurtful , unconscionable etc.

We have all felt like this. When you are at the place where forgiveness is not an option think again. Does failing to forgive hurt the other person? Sometimes is does but it ALWAYS hurts you. Perhaps you can forgive the person but not the behavior. That is perfectly fine and the way to go. Some behaviors are not acceptable. Some behaviors may be unforgivable. But how about the person. Can you forgive them? Yes you can if you think of forgiveness as letting go. It is letting go of all the powerful emotions you feel when you are hurt. This is to your benefit not the other person. You forgive to heal yourself not the other person.

Forgiveness if not a favor we do for someone else. It is what we do for ourselves. We release the powerful emotions that are muddling up our thoughts and joy.

Can you forgive yourself if you are the one that did the hurtful deed? Do you angush over what you did? It is the same whether you are hurt or the one that did the hurting.

Think back to when you were able to forgive. You sensed a release. You felt relaxed. The tension left your body. Your mind became open again to listen, enjoy, participate.

I found some quotes about forgiveness for you to ponder.

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,Therefore, we are saved by hope.Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;Therefore, we are saved by faith.Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.Therefore, we are saved by love.No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
Reinhold Niebuhr:

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
Sidney and Suzanne Simon

To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!

"In this life. . . we are unable to forget whatever remains unforgiven. So, if we won't let go of some pain - whose time has now past - then who is to blame for the weight of this burden still being carried on our back?"
Guy Finley

"There are those who will tell you why it is wise to never forget the pain of the past. . . but if you look closely at the anger, sorrow, and bitterness that has hardened their faces, then you will also see why learning to forgive is the better of the two paths."
Guy Finley

Mona Gustafson Affinito says, "Forgiveness means deciding not to punish a perceived injustice, taking action on that decision, and experiencing the emotional relief that follows."

I also found a short quizz for you to take to see where you are at on forgiveness.
Quizz

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Drop me a note.

Have to or Want to???

2007-03-20T05:12:00.000-06:00

HAVE TO OR WANT TO?

Have to:
to be required, compelled, or under obligation

Want to:
to feel a need or a desire for; wish for
Want to:
to wish, need, crave, demand, or desire

What is the difference between wanting to do something and having to do something?
If you have to do something it is a must. That does not mean you will do it but the must part makes it imperative and important. By the definition have to is something that is outside of you. An outside force is telling you that you must do this certain thing.

If you want to do something it is related to an inside feeling. Wanting to do something seems to be a part of you. Having to do something seems to be inflicted on you by something outside of you. Despite these differences there are probably things you want to do but you may not do these things.
So what is really going on here? Why do you resist doing what you have to do and what you want to do? Are you more likely to do what you have to do or what you want to do?

How were you raised? What rules did your parents teach you? Did they tell you that there are things you must do even if you do not want to do them? Are you one of those people that does what you have to and your life is lacking joy?

Or were you raised with your parents instructing you that you can't always do what you want? Were they trying to set you on the right path by telling you to be responsible? Did you rebel and do what you wanted to do? Is your life exciting but messy because you do what you want?

Who do you admire? Do you admire the ones that do what they want or the ones that “do the right thing?”

What about balance? Does it have to be one way or the other? This is a conundrum. There is no right answer. Consider the expression, “If you do what you enjoy you will succeed.” Trite but sometimes true. If you are not responsible you will spend your time catching up to correct or deal with what you did not do. What happens if you spend you life doing what you have to waiting for the chance later on to do what you want. You put in the time hoping, waiting for it to pay off. It can pay off but sometimes it just doesn't.

I have been considering this. Perhaps there is a way to do what you want and what you have to and enjoy them both is this. What if you were in the present moment? That means if you are watching a sunset you do just that. You watch a sunset. You enjoy the sunset. You are in the present moment.

You are not thinking about what you have to do or want to do. You can do that next but for now you are enjoying yourself just watching a sunset. Would the pleasure from a sunset make the “have to tasks” a little easier and more do able? You are in a good mood from your sunset so now you can tackle the things you “have to do.” Would the pleasure from the sunset allow you to re think those things that you wanted to do? Try it. See if you can do something and just enjoy it. Just be there in the moment. See if that gives you momentum. See if that makes your life lighter. See if that gives you perspective. See if that gives you balance.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Magnetic Marketing

2007-03-16T07:25:00.000-06:00

Remember back to the time when you were a kid? Remember when you played with a magnet. We all used a magnet. We would dump out a bunch of paper clips and whip out our magnet. Like magic the paper clips would jump onto the magnet. It was not magic but attraction. The magnet attracted the paper clips.

What if you could do this in your business life? What if you knew the way to attract customers ?What if you knew the way to attract customers to your product? What if you could "exert a strong attractive power or charm"? It would seem like magic. But it would actually be science.

Magnetic Marketing http://www.surefiremarketing.com/magnetic/?48752 teaches you the art of persuasion. Magnetic Marketing shows you how to showcase your products or services. Large businesses hire top notch advertising agencies to develop a magnetic marketing campaign. You can do this for yourself, save money, make money and use this technique over and over for each new product and service you promote.

There is also a bonus for your personal life. Using Magnetic Marketing will give you insight into other people. Using Magnetic Marketing will help you think in a new fashion. From new thinking comes new ideas. Persuasion is a powerful tool to communicate your thoughts and ideas clearly.

Get Magnetic Marketing http://www.surefiremarketing.com/magnetic/?48752 and start attracting sales, success and whatever else you have been striving for.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Product Launch Formula

2007-03-15T15:49:00.000-06:00

What if you had one chance and limited income to launch a new product? Would you experiment or would you use a method that was tested and had a track record of results?

They key to being successful in business is to learn from other people's mistakes. The other key is to learn from other people's successes. Business can be tricky and tough but when you are introduced to no brainer you have to rejoice.

When someone shows you step by step how to get your product off the ground you can't say no...unless you already know this....or you are of the obstinate kind and like to make your own mistakes.

I know you are not of the obstinate kind because if you were you would have probably closed up shop by now. The obstinate ones don't succeed in business.

I know you are going to check out this product because you want to succeed. All you need is a method which this product will give you. So go ahead - be successful. Do it the right way. Do it the easy way. Do it the way it will work

http://www.productlaunchformula.com/?17935

Work smart not hard.

http://www.productlaunchformula.com/?17935

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Paris Hilton and You

2007-03-15T08:15:00.000-06:00

What do you and Paris Hilton have in common? You and Paris Hilton do have this one question in common. You and Paris Hilton probably think about this issue more after something bad happens. But you both think about and experience it.

Who do you trust? How do you decide who is trustworthy? How can you tell who is telling you the truth and who is running their game on you? How do you know who is true and who will stab you in the back?

For some of us these are constant questions. Some of use are leery of everyone around us. It is hard for some of us to make friends because each new person is under constant scrutiny and mistrust. Not a happy way to be but a way to protect yourself.

For others these questions may pop up and then go away. The question comes up and we make a quick choice and say - you're okay, and you're not. That is all the investigation we do. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it does not. We've all met someone that dazzled us and then betrayed us. We trusted someone and they did not deserve our trust. We became more cautious. Maybe jaded, suspicious, and apprehensive.

How do you know who to trust? How do you tell who is the good guys? My friend shared with me her discovery. Here is her story.

"Hi, my name is Brandy. Trust has always been difficult for me. My childhood made trust difficult. I decided not to trust anyone. This way of life served my purposes for a while.

When I was older I met people and had friends. I did not get close to them. I never trusted them. I had a routine of what I could tell them etc.

Then one day I had a realization. I suppose it came up because I felt too tightly wound with my routine and restrictions of what I could share and express. I could never let my guard down and it was becoming tiring.

My realization - Could I trust myself? Could I trust myself to make the best decisions? Could I trust myself to the do what is right?

Was my mistrust actually fear and insecurity and anxiety about doing the right thing? I discovered that I lived out of fear because I did not want to make the same mistakes that others made. This fear came up during adversity. I realized how I doubted and second guessed myself each time I had a problem. I was uncertain and confused. I was berating myself and speaking negatively to myself.

That was when I realized that the only person I could trust with confidence was myself. It was freeing and refreshing. I did not have to scrutinize everyone. I could trust myself to make the right choices. If I made a mistake I could love myself to forgive myself.

My life opened up. I still falter and make mistakes. But the fear and restriction are lessened"

Does Paris Hilton trust herself? Can you trust yourself? Learn how to trust yourself and make the right choices for your life.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Are You a Self Disciplinarian?

2007-03-12T09:39:00.000-06:00

How do you Treat Yourself?

I am sure there are people in your life that are special. Maybe you even love some of these special people. Lets' start with your family. There are family members that are special and whom you love. How about your pets? Possibly even some friends that you feel this way about. How do you treat people you love and feel are special? Probably with care, affection, fondness, kindness, and thoughtfulness. And I bet you cut them slack when they don't always live up to your expectations of them.

How do you treat yourself? Is it the same way you treat those special people in your life? No, why not? Aren't you special? Do you ever actually appreciate yourself?

Don't you deserve to be cut some slack when you do not live up to your own expectations. Do you expect more from yourself than others? It is fine to expect more from yourself than from others. But if you do not always live up to your expectations do you punish yourself? What is the point of having higher expectations if it leads to more punishment when you disappoint yourself? How does this type of thinking enhance your life?

What is going on here is action-reaction. What is missing is awareness and thought. Here is your scenario. You expect something of yourself. You fall short. You are disappointed and punish yourself. You speak to yourself in a harsh tone. You rag on yourself.

What happened to first thinking about this? Did you give it your best effort. No, okay here is a place to start. Revamp and re consider what other effort you could have used. Can you try that now? Disciplining yourself is a waste of them and can actually stop you from putting in your best effort ever.

Here is an example of this. I have a friend Gina. She has a dog that is practically her whole life. She takes her dog with her everywhere. Yet there are times she should not take her dog with her because her attention can not be focused on her dog. She does not keep a collar on her dog. She is under the belief that her dog does not like wearing a collar. One day she lost her dog while she was on a trip. This was a time she should have left her dog home. This was a time her dog should have worn a collar.

She called me up hysteric that her dogs was lost. Gina was distraught. This dog was the love of her life.

By some miracle her dog was found and returned to her. Did Gina learn a lesson and keep a collar on her dog? No. Why? Gina was so busy reproaching and hating herself for losing her dog that she did not think straight.

If she treated herself in a loving way she could have had the following conversation with herself.

“I should leave my dog home when I can not watch her with proper attention”
“I should keep a collar on my dog in case she gets lost”
“I need to take care of my dog”
“I need to put the safety of my dog first”

This leads to a plan and a solution to avoid what happened in the future. This type of thinking puts what happened in a perspective. Gina made a mistake. She made an error in judgment. She will learn from this so she can avoid it in the future.

Instead this was the conversation Gina had with herself.

“Why wasn't I more careful?”
“Why did my dog run away?”
“Why was I distracted?”
“Why was that person asking me such stupid questions and distracting me?”
“Why didn't I watch my dog better?”
“Why am I such a bad person?”
“Why am I so incompetent?”
“Why didn't I pay closer attention?”
“Why do I have bad luck?”
“Why did this happen to me?”
“How could I have been so stupid, careless, bungling?”

This thinking leads to no solution, no plan. This thinking is thoughtless. This thinking assumes that you are not capable of avoiding this in the future. This thinking is not concentrated. You are blaming yourself, your dog, other people and circumstances.

You are blaming. You are not solving. You are not going any where except in a circle of blame.

So next time before you get out the whip and use it on yourself, DON'T. STOP. Think, review and remember how you treat those that are special and loved.

Fast track yourself to end self punishment. Fast track to treat yourself with care, fondness and love. Fast track yourself to get away from blaming. Fast track yourself to solutions and plans that will benefit yourself and those you love.

This product will show you how.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Get Rid of Guilt

2007-03-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

Question: How can you be assertive without hating yourself for limiting someone else's freedom?

I studied this question for a while. I was not sure how to answer it. I was puzzled how to answer it because it is not a question that makes sense to me. The part that confused me was being assertive and hating yourself and limiting someone's freedom.

Hating yourself is a rather strong term. For me to hate myself I would have to commit a very horrible act. An extreme cruelty that was deliberate. Even then I would be disappointed with myself over that action or behavior. I am not sure I would hate myself. I would have to ask forgiveness from myself and of course the person I harmed.

For me being assertive does not equate with "limiting someone's freedom." To me limiting someone's freedom would entail slavery, prison, taking away their livelihood, handicapping them physically etc. Pretty horrible stuff.

One characteristic of being assertive is doing what is right for you. An example of this would be if someone invited you to do something with them. You have other plans. You do not spend the day with your friend. You follow through with the plans you made. How are you limiting your friend's freedom? Your friend is free to do what they choose and they are also free to find another companion if they choose.

Another characteristic of being assertive the ability to say "no". Just because someone asks you to do something does not mean you have to do it. If you say no because you are not willing or able to perform the task that is your choice. I can not see how you are limiting someone else's freedom by making a choice.

I think what the question is getting at is the questioner feels "guilty" if they do not do what everyone wants them to do. You may do things in life that other people are not in agreement with. However, that is really not their business.

If you feel you are limiting someone's freedom by engaging in worthwhile pursuits of your choice there could also be a problem in your relationships with other people. Perhaps the people you assoicate with use guilt to control you. Best to get away from someone like that as quickly as possible.

If that is not the case and you are causing your own guilt then it is time for you to do some serious soul searching. Somewhere along the line you got a lot of thoughts, beliefs and ideas mixed up on your head.

Either way guilt is an emotion that is limiting, draining and destructive. It is mentally and physically destructive to yourself. It is also harmful to those around you.

I would purchase this product immediately. With this type of thinking help is mandatory.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

This is one of those cases where procrastinating will only harm you. It is time for you to examine this and start to enhnace your life.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

The Air of Confidence

2007-03-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

I posed the question, “How can you tell if someone is confident.?”

The overwhelming answer was, “Body Language. How someone carries themselves. An air they elude”

What is this all about? It seems that if you are confident people will just know it. There will be something about you that can not be exactly expressed in words. I think what it also means is there is something inside of you that is readily apparent to all. Kind of like the expression, “It is what inside of you that counts.”

Confidence starts from your thoughts. I f you think confidently you will appear confident. If you believe in yourself others will know this. There will be something special about you that other people notice.

There were also other answers that were quite illuminating.
Replying with enthusiasm.
Relaxed voice
Smiling
Interested in other people
Other people feel good to be with you

Replying with enthusiasm means giving thought to what someone said or asked you. When you reply with enthusiasm you are uplifting not depressing.
A relaxed voice means there is no tension in you voice. Once again you are relaxed so others feel relaxed around you.

Smiling gives people a positive message. It means you are enjoying yourself and enjoying them.
Confident people are interested in other people not themselves. Being interest in what someone has to say creates a rapport.

People like to be around confident people. Confident people show respect for other people. Confident people value other people.

Being confident is a plus in your personal as well as business life. Work will much easier for you if you are confident. People will want to work and co operate with you.

The overall pattern here is that when you are confident you are helping other people feel important, valued and respected. You are doing this by just being confident. You do not have to be the center of attention. Your attention is balanced. People are naturally attracted to you.
There are ways to elude confidence. There are ways to be true to yourself. There are ways to be attractive to other people. You have to start from within yourself. This is a great product that can teach you how.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

Check it out. Learn how to attract other people and be attractive.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach

Get in the "Habit"

2007-03-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

I found this great article on self confidence. I like the way Ms. Raats calls self confidence a "habit".

This article was contributed by by Lois Raats, M.Ed. Lois is a personal and corporate coach. More information on Lois can be found at http://www.coachlois.com . Article on self-confidence by Lois Raats

THE HABIT OF SELF CONFIDENCE

How can I acquire more self-confidence? How can I improve my self-esteem? I wish I could feel as "together" as everyone else seems to be...

I hear these kinds of questions and comments several times each week in my office, from some of the most outwardly successful people you could imagine.

Self-esteem is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence is the foundation for a successful life. People often believe that if they could just feel better about themselves, their lives would go so much better, they would be so much more successful.

But feeling good is not the source of self-esteem.
Rather, feeling good is the by-product of thinking the thoughts, making the choices, and developing the habits that build self-esteem.

Self-esteem is not a feeling. It's a habit. Life consists of an endless series of forks in the road. At any given moment, we are directing our energies - our attitudes, thoughts, behaviors, and habits - down the path that leads to greater self-esteem - or we're propelling ourselves in the opposite direction. It's that simple. If you suffer from low self-worth, it's a good idea to start asking yourself: "What I'm thinking, doing, or being - is it making me feel better about myself, or worse? What do I need to do differently to get me on a better path?"

The good news about this approach is that it's something anyone can learn. Have you ever learned how to ride a bike, or quit a bad habit like smoking? We're talking skills and habits here, not magic. With creativity and focus, practice and willpower, anyone can develop the skills and habits that engender high self-esteem.

I'm not especially concerned about what your background or life experience is like. Life occurs in the present moment. As the saying goes...
The past is history, The future is mystery, This moment is a gift - that's why it's called "The Present"!

If you begin to channel your energy now in the direction you want to go, you will get there, a step at a time.

Stepping Stones to Self-Esteem #1: Self-Awareness
The first step toward improving self-esteem is to gradually begin to increase one's level of self-awareness A person can do this simply by noticing what's currently happening in several areas of their experience.

Since your body never lies, start by noticing any physical sensations related to your current situation, such as shortness of breath, tightness in your neck, shoulders, or back, butterflies in your stomach, headaches or body aches. For example, one of my clients, let's call him Ian, notices that when work starts piling up he gets tense in the shoulders. If he doesn't reorganize his priorities he starts to feel queasy much of the time. If he allows this pattern to continue he starts to have difficulty sleeping. However, if he can catch this pattern at its onset through self-awareness, he then has a choice. Ian can begin to choose the path of caring for and esteeming himself, and he can refrain from neglecting himself and his needs.

Next, notice any feelings you have: anxiety, sadness, panic, anger, elation. If you're not well-acquainted with your feelings, write me an email, and I'll send you a list of feeling words. Feelings emerge spontaneously from the body, so once you're clued in to your body signals, you can attach a word to the sensation that describes how you're feeling. The feeling words Ian attaches to his "tight shoulder" sensation are fear, anger, sadness, and being overwhelmed. Feelings can also be experienced as images or metaphors. Ian says that he often feels "like a tiny boat adrift in huge waves".

Now notice your thoughts. Thoughts are an incredibly important contributor to self-esteem or lack thereof. The good news about thoughts is that they can be controlled. You can use your will to direct your thoughts once you become more self-aware.

Unfortunately, many people are unaware of the extent to which their thoughts are influencing how they feel. We all have a running tape that plays a continuous stream of thoughts in the back of our minds. When Ian gets overwhelmed, he starts to think things like, "What if I can't get this all done by Friday?" "I'm such an idiot, I should be better organized...how come other people in my office seem to get their stuff done by the end of the day?" "I'll never figure this out..." As he becomes more self-aware, he will be able to notice these thoughts before they start to drag him down, and he can choose to substitute more helpful thoughts in their place.

What kinds of tapes do you have playing in the back of your mind? I've found that most people with self-esteem problems are endlessly critical about themselves, worried about what other people think of them, and often worry about what's going to happen next. As part of your self-awareness project, record these thoughts in a little notebook and over time you can begin to replace them with something better.

Lastly, notice your behaviors. What activities are you engaged in that are doing little or nothing for you? What are you currently doing that builds you up? How's your health? Are there people in your life that know you well - and if not, how can you begin to develop a support system? We all need some blend of positive relationships, satisfying work, and fun activities to keep our emotional tanks topped up.

Ian notices that when he begins to feel tanked out due to stress at work he comes home and flakes out on the couch. But when he thinks about it he realizes that while this is relaxing, it isn't really satisfying. Flaking out isn't helping him develop a life that meets his needs or fulfills his values. He's currently re-thinking these choices and making a list of activities that are both relaxing and meaningful. So far, he's considering going to the gym, taking out a few books from the library, or calling a friend.

Habits are merely thoughts and behaviors played out over time. Develop the habit of positive thoughts and helpful behaviors, and, before you know it, you will be feeling good about yourself and your life.

This article was contributed by by Lois Raats, M.Ed. Lois is a personal and corporate coach. More information on Lois can be found at http://www.coachlois.com . Article on self-confidence by Lois Raats
*******************************************************************************************************************
Can you change your habits? Can you develop new habits that make your life better?

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Questions and comments are always welcome.

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

What is Your Emotional Program?

2007-03-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

FREE YOURSELF

Did you know that you have been programmed to think and act the way you do? Did you also know that you can re program the way you think and act?

How does this work?

Something happens - your boss yells at you

You have a reaction to this event - you believe your boss should not have yelled at you

Your reaction to this event is emotional - you feel angry

That is the chain of events that have been programmed into you. If you can re program yourself the possibilities are endless. For example:

Something happens - your boss yells at you

You are re programmed and you have a new reaction to this event - you wonder why your boss is in such a bad mood

You are re programmed and your reaction to this event is different - you are not angry at your boss. you want to find out why your boss yelled at you.

Think about how much happier and easier your day would be if you could re program your thoughts. Think about all the energy you waste getting lost in your emotions. Think about all the times your emotions have held you back. Think about all the experiences you missed out on due to your programming.

Think about all the times your emotions interfered with you doing what you wanted to do. Think about how badly you felt when you "acted out." Think about how badly your family felt when you "acted out." Think about all the times you had to say you were sorry because you hurt someone when you acted out.

What if you could put a stop to this? Would you be willing to end this misery? I know you want to live a better, happier, more joyous life. I know you want to be in control of how you behave. I know you want to be in control of what you say. I know you want to stop the pain.

I also know there are things you want to achieve. I know that your emotions and programming are holding you back. I know you can break free and re program your mind to have the life you deserve.

Here is the answer.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/SubconsciousProgramming.html

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

The Narcissism Study (?)

2007-03-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have been hearing a lot about the "narcissism" study. I tried to stay out of it but I just could not control myself.

The colloquial definition of narcissism is:
An excessive preoccupation with one’s own personal importance, or with achieving one’s own chosen goals rather than bonding with others, or with associating only with others whom one chooses. Sometimes psychologists associate narcissism with psychopathology and lack of conscience, but this need not be the case. But there may be lack of emotional empathy or bonding with others.

Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See synonyms at conceit.A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

From a psychological stand point a narcissistic personality is defined as:

Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.

Additionally

Symptoms
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
Reacts to criticism with feelings or rage, shame, or humiliation

Takes advantage of others to achieve own goals

Has feelings of self-importance

Exaggerates achievements and talents

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Requires constant attention and admiration

Lacks empathy

Overreacts to criticism, becoming angry or humiliated

Uses others to reach goals

Exaggerates own importance

Entertains unrealistic fantasies about achievements, power, beauty, intelligence or romance

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Seeks constant attention and positive reinforcement from others

Is easily jealous

Has a sense of entitlement

Is interpersonally exploitative

Displays arrogant, haughty behaviours

People who have a narcissistic personality style rather than narcissistic personality disorder are generally psychologically healthy, but may at times be arrogant, proud, shrewd, confident, self-centered and determined to be at the top. They do not, however, have an unrealistic image of their skills and worth and are not dependent on praise to sustain a healthy self-esteem.

I did some research on the "narcissism study". I only found these statements publicized that the researchers (?) so far based their conclusion on.

The NPI is based on results from 1982-2006 of college students’ reactions to statements such as “If I ruled the world, it would be a better place,” “I think I am a special person” and “I can live my life any way I want to.”
The new report follows a study released by UCLA last month which found that nearly three-quarters of the freshmen it surveyed thought it was important to be "very well-off financially." That compared with 62.5 percent who said the same in 1980 and 42 percent in 1966.

Looking at these three questions I think the conclusions drawn are spurious. The study periods appear to be 1966, 1980 and 2006. There is no consistency between these time periods. This is not a study that was done for example every ten years.

The first statement, "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place"

When I think about this statement a yes answer can reflect:

Dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs.

A lack of optimism.

A feeling of pessimism.

Belief the world could be a better place if others ideas were considered.

Next statement, "I think I am a special person"

Aren't we all special?

Should we loathe ourselves?

If we do not think we are special how can we appreciate others?

What about the adage, "God helps those that help themselves?"

Doesn't this show confidence and a belief in ourselves to make our own way?

Next statement, "I can live my life the way I want?"

More expressions of confidence

Feeling that you have control over your life

Not a victim

Not a whiner

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950

Note the date of this quote 1856-1950 way before the study (?)

Statement. "It is important to be well off financially."

Just check out the news. We all need money. The government is not going to help us. We all need to work longer and longer. Good bye social security, if you could even support yourself from it. We may be taking care of and supporting our elder parents. Medical costs are skyrocketing. The cost of a car is including, insurance, property taxes and gas is huge. Oil prices are up. Credit card interest rates are over the top. Education costs a fortune.

Is it any wonder people think it is important to be financially well off? And by the way what does financially well off mean?

The reason I am including this today is:

Think for yourself. A confident person does some research before they regurgitate buzz info. Do your homework before you revere "experts."

Keep an open mind. A confident person does not just jump on any trendy bandwagon. They think first.

Always be a student. A confident person learns from information.

Perhaps the "researchers" of this study are narcissistic.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Are you an Al?

2007-03-01T06:26:00.000-07:00

Getting to Know Yourself
I have a friend, Al. I have known him for many years. Al worked for some major corporations in mid level positions. He was not particularly ambitious. He just coasted along. He was rarely promoted. He got pay raises based on seniority. He did not enjoy his work nor his job. He had to support himself and he stayed where he landed. He rarely looked for other jobs. Yet whenever we spoke he told me how much he wanted to have his own business. From time to time he would send me proposals of businesses he was looking at. He even asked me to be his partner.
Our conversations about him owning his own business were always the same old thing.
Me “I don't think you have the stomach to own your own business.”
Al “Yes I guess you are right but I want to own my own business.”
Me “Owning your own business is tough. You are responsible for everything.”
Al “I know but I want to get out of the rat race. I want to have my own business. “
The conversation would continue with me pointing out what it takes to have your own business and Al agreeing that it is not for him but he wants it anyway.
Well finally Al got the chance to own his own business, sort of. The company he worked for was sold. The new company changed his job and Al was on his own. Al had to go out and drum up business. Al had to manage his day. Al had to spend his own money to get business. Al was freaking out. Al called me often during this transition. I tried to help him but I can only help someone that wants help. It was during this time that Al finally learned that he did not want to have his own business. Al's values and his personality did not mix with owning his own business.
Al never had any specific goals about owning his own business. He just liked to say he wanted to have his own business. Al knew what it was like to own his own business from our discussions and he recognized these issues but once again he just liked to say he wanted have his own business.
I am not saying Al could not have his own business. He could have if he really wanted to. He could have if he put his mind to it. He could have if he was willing to take the risk. Al is not a risk taker. Al likes order. Al could have owned his own business if he took the idea of owning his own business seriously.
Al never sat down and considered his strengths and weaknesses. Al never looked at his values. Al did not do a lot of things that need to be done to start your own business.
Finally when Al had the chance to see what it was like to have your own business via his job change he freaked out. He got so freaked out that he actually quit his job and got a different one. He did this despite the fact that he was progressing in his current job.
You may feel like Al. But you do not have to end up like Al. You can have your own business. You must be honest with yourself. You must be serious with yourself. You must learn how to make a plan. You must learn how to do the research and business preparation. You must learn to work on your own. You must learn about taking risks. Not ice that I used the word “learn” repeatedly. Yes you can learn these things. That is what Al never understood. He never understood that he needed to and could learn these things.
So sit down with yourself and see what you know and what you need to learn. If after a truth session with yourself owning your own business is what you really want then go for it.

Enjoy Your Work

2007-02-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

This is a great article if you are considering starting your own business. It is by Joel Garfinkle.

WORK HARD NO MORE
In a recent survey of 180,000 American workers, more than 80% indicated an intense dislike for their jobs. This is truly a sad reflection on an activity that absorbs a major portion of our lives.

Maybe it's time for a conscious reassessment of our philosophy towards work. It seems to me that many of us are simply working too hard with too little to show for our labor.
Why are we influenced to "work so hard?" One client recently related to me, "I've never been afraid to work hard in order to get the pie in the sky I've always dreamed of. I've always been focused on what I want from life and doing the things I think I need to do in order to get there. Thus, I believe putting in long hours now will help me obtain a level of financial security that will give me the freedom not to work so hard in the future."

As you can see, hard work is such a strong, deep-seated value in today's competitive workplace that it refuses to let go. Many of my clients enjoy the work they do, but deep down they think they need to work even harder in order to meet specific goals such as achieving financial security. Their entire universe revolves around working hard, rather than using work as a vehicle to achieve personal fulfillment from both their careers and personal lives.
For all of you who are working too hard, I have one important question: "What is your rate of return?" In the financial world, the annual rate of return is justified in terms of profits yielded on the initial amount of capital invested. Quite simply, if there is little rate of return then the money invested was wasted.

In gauging personal fulfillment on the job, rate of return translates into the amount of time you have to spend working hard to reach a projected outcome. Whether you want to spend more time with your family, take early retirement, or enjoy your dream vacation, if you're working more and still not achieving your most important objectives, then all your sweat is wasted.
For all of my clients looking to escape this dead end scenario, I ask them to evaluate their workday in terms of three words impacting them the most on a daily basis:
Active
Doing
Pursuing

When you work too hard your career is all about being active, doing, and pursuing your goals. You are constantly accumulating unnecessary baggage and reinforcing stale ideas. The key to positive change is to practice doing the exact opposite. The opposite of active, for example, is inactive For doing, it's being; and for pursuing, it's being comfortable with what you already have, rather than searching for something else.

So how do we move beyond feeling our only work enjoyment occurs at the morning coffee break, lunch, quitting time, happy hour, and payday? Will Rogers believed that in order to succeed, "You must know what you are doing, like what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing." His suggestions deserve a closer look.

KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING
All too many people approach their jobs like a mosquito in a nudist camp...they see lots of opportunity but can't decide where to start. Instead, place your primary emphasis on the most fulfilling parts of your job. Apply your talents. Become an expert. Excel.

LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING
What most of my coaching clients come to realize is that if they are participating in activities they really enjoy, then work doesn't seem so much like work. In other words, the secret to happiness, success, satisfaction, and fulfillment through our jobs is not doing what we like, but liking what we do.

BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
In general, successful people are not in a job looking for something to do. They choose their profession in order to accomplish something meaningful. This prerequisite is difficult to explain to those poor souls sitting back and watching the clock until it's "Miller time." But the fortunate individuals who are working to satisfy their deepest passions, rather than for an hourly wage, know exactly what it means. Any satisfaction, fun, and fulfillment you experience on the job are fringe benefits you give yourself.

The secret to transforming your daily "have-to-do's" into "want-to-do's" is to find answers to two very important questions: (1) What do I want from my life's work? and (2) What am I willing to do to make it happen? Therein rests the self-fulfilling formula we need to love our jobs and never have to work another day for the rest of our lives.

Copyright 2004, Joel Garfinkle, All Rights ReservedJoel Garfinkle leads managers and executives to higher levels of professional and personal achievement. Partial client list includes: BofA, HP, GAP, Citigroup, and Eli Lilly. Visit Joel on the web at Garfinkle Executive Coaching .

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

How to handle Business Calls

2007-02-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

Phone Calls
How do you handle phone calls? Phone calls are important. They are your way of communicating. There may be customers calling. There may be vendors calling. If you let your calls go to voice mail then you may engage in phone tag. If you answer each call you may be interrupted and not get your work done.
I have friend that answers every call even if she is on a call. This works for her. It works for her because she trained herself to do this. She is the queen of multitasking. Multi tasking is doing many things at once. You can learn to multi task and it may work fine for you. If you do not loose your train of thought with constant interruptions then this is the way for you to go.
If multitasking is not your specialty then you will need to devise another way of handling calls. I had a business associate that devoted a time of day every day to handling calls. They blocked out three hours where they answered every call. During these there hours they made outgoing calls also. They placed a message on their voice mail that said they well be available for calls between the hours of 1pm to 3pm. This can be limiting and you can still end up playing phone tag.
Another idea is to divide your tasks by how much concentration they will require. You can send your calls to voice mail for the short period of time you are working on a high concentration task. Or you can do this high concentration task during off business hours. Perhaps you can wake up early a few days a week for these high concentration tasks. Or you can work on them in the evening.
If the high concentration task requires a large period of time perhaps you can divide it up so you can work on it for shorter periods of time.
There is also the option of using e mail for some of your communications. I want to caution you about e mail. It is written and permanent. Be careful with how you word your message. Make them short and polite. They are excellent for anything you want put in writing. Do not use them to avoid talking to someone. Use them is you have a brief communication such as an update. It is not advisable to use them to return a phone call. It is okay to use them if you are the initiator of the communication. E mails should not replace personal contact. They are in addition to personal contact.
No matter what strategy you use there are certain absolutes in business calls and calling. Try to keep your phone conversation brief. Keep it on point. These are business calls not personal calls. Business calls have a different etiquette than personal calls. Your time is valuable and so is the person's time you are talking with. Friendliness and politeness can be limited to , “Hi, how are you. Or Hi, Thanks for....” Keep it short and simple. Be clear and state your point quickly.
Phone contact is necessary. Valuable use of your time is also necessary. Devise a way to make the most of both.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

BUSINESS CONFESSION

2007-02-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am a believer in honesty and truth. The minute I saw this in writing I felt the need to qualify it. I am not the type of person to tell you my life story in detail. If you ask I will answer with discretion.

Some things are personal and I may not even discuss them with close friends.
I have a good reason for this. If this personal thing involves a third person that we both will be associating with in the future I will probably not discuss it. The reason being I will probably get over my problem with the third person. But will the friend I discuss it with get over it? If they don't when the three of us get together it could be a problem. Here is an example. I had a friend, Katie. She was married and she was not getting along with her husband. Actually she was quite angry with him. In her fit of anger she told me he was not the father of their child and he did not know it. That ruined our friendship. Every time we went out and I kept looking at her husband and thinking, “You are not the father of this child.” I could not get it out of my head. It was too big of a burden for me.

So here is my confession. I have just started a new business. You need to have a strong stomach to start a business. You need to stay level headed. You can not jump to conclusions. You need to access, watch and revamp.

Things were going well with my new business. Then things started to slow down. When things started to slow down I started to do more. I upgraded my work load to get things moving again. Unfortunately my upgrade was not producing the results I expected. I was puzzled. I believed that my upgrade was correct. I believed my upgrade would show results.
So what happened. I took a little time to think, plan and meditate. I checked in with some people I respect to get their take. This is always of value to me. I think this is of value to anyone. Sometimes you can get stuck in your thinking and planning and outsiders can be a breath of fresh air. The discouraging part was that the outsider check in did not stimulate any new ideas for me.

I do not like to be discouraged. I do not like to be stuck. But I was. So I went back to drawing board and started from the beginning. I did not want to do this but I knew I had to do this. I had to figure out where the problem was. I can become a detective when this happens. That is also something that can be of value to you. A problem is like a mystery. I f you pretend you are a detective you can get on with solving the mystery. It will not help to pretend you are a detective if you are not persistent Persistence is the cornerstone to having a business. You must be persistent You must stay on the case. You must find the solution.

Once I went back to the beginning it took me a couple of minutes to find the problem. It was a serious problem but one that could be easily fixed. So here is my confession. For one short moment I was discouraged. I doubted myself. I made an assumption. It was a false assumption. For that one short moment I was in agony. Does this happen to you? Please learn from my confession. Before you doubt yourself go back and do your homework. Do the research and find the solution. Don't be in agony. Do not react emotionally. Business and emotions do not mix well. Business takes a thinker, an analyzer. Business people need to keep a clear head.
Get clear. Stay clear. Don't jump to conclusions. Make your business rock.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach

PS For more help on this check out my links.

Money

2007-02-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

I did a Google search on the word money. Today there were 682,000,000 searches. Must be an important topic.

Most people want money. Most people will tell you they want a lot of money. Most people will tell you they want a lot of money but do not actually believe they will earn a lot of money.

What are your thoughts on money? Are you concerned with actual dollars? Do you want to have a million dollars? Or are you concerned with what money can do for you? An example of what money can do for you is to buy you a house, maybe a BIG house. Or a fancy car. Perhaps money can help you feel secure. Feel less worrisome about paying your bills. Perhaps money has to do with power. With money you will be respected. With money you can hang with the "it" people. Perhaps money appeals to your dreams. The dreams you have of traveling, lounging, hiring people to do the things you do not like to do such as cleaning your house. Perhaps you want money to help others. Once you start to think about it the list could become endless.

So now your mind is racing. Then that ugly thought pops up. I don't have the money to do these things. I probably will not get the money to do these things. What is that about? It is about reality. It is about how you feel right this minute. You want money. You have dreams for money. You do not have the money.

So how do you get the money? If you think I have a secret to get rich quick you are mistaken. I do have a tool to start you on the way to obtaining money.

The quickest and easiest way to get money is to start your own business. Let me put a disclaimer in here. It is not quick and it is not easy. However, if you look at all the ways to get money this one is available to anyone.

Don't quit your day job. Just start thinking what type of business you can start. Think about your interests. Do some research on how you can turn what you like to do into a business. Brain storm with your friends. Find a partner. Perhaps there are things you do for free for people that you could start charging for. Perhaps there is a second job you could temporarily take to get some start up capital. Perhaps there is an investment you could make that could give you a quick turnaround to get some start up capital.

Put on your thinking cap and see what comes up. Maybe you will find out that this is not what you really want to do. Or maybe you will come up with a plan. Maybe you will see that this is within your grasp. You never will know until you think about this in a serious way.

So get thinking and see the power of you brain.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

How do you Measure Success?

2007-02-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

I bet when you were little your parents told you they wanted you to be successful. Perhaps your parents told you what they thought your success would look like.

I have a friend Jennifer. Her parents had her life picked out for her. Ever since she was little Jennifer's parents wanted her to be a doctor. Jennifer's parents had good reasons for this. They wanted Jennifer to be self supporting. They also thought medicine was a noble profession.

Jennifer was smart. She had the aptitude to be a doctor. When she was little she enjoyed the idea of being a doctor. However, as she got older the idea of being a doctor was losing it's appeal. Despite this nagging feeling Jennifer plugged on through college and medical school. She wanted to please her parents. She wanted her parents to be proud of her. She did not want to disappoint her parents. Jennifer wanted to be successful.

Jennifer worked as a doctor for a few years. But her heart was not in it. It was not what she wanted to do. It was not her idea of what being successful was.

At some point Jennifer stopped practicing medicine. She opened up her own business. Her idea of success was to educate people. She wanted to educate people so they could avoid visiting a doctor. She wanted to teach people about living a healthy life. This was her idea of success.

Before you embark on your long road to success take some time to think about what success means to you. Try to separate your ideas from the ideas of success you encounter every day. These ideas of success are everywhere. They are on TV, the news, in schools, almost any place you encounter. What about your friends, parents, counselors. They all have ideas about success and what it should be for you. It is okay to be open to what they have to say. They may spark an idea.

But you must make the final decision about what success means to you. Remember that is okay to change your mind about what success means to you. When you are young success can mean something different than when you are older. Your idea of success can be a living, evolving concept. You can pursue your idea of success and re work it if it is not what you expected. Whatever path you choose remember to respect yourself and your choices. Choose wisely but make the choice yours.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Successful Thinking

2007-02-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

What traits do successful people share? I have been researching this and here is the list I came up with.

Successful people have a dream
Successful people have a plan
Successful people have specific knowledge and training
Successful people are willing to put the time in
Successful people are persistent
Successful people have ambition
Successful people are motivated
Successful want to succeed
Successful people get things done
Successful people know how to focus
Successful people make decisions
Successful people look for solutions
Successful people take responsibility for their actions
Successful people make mistakes and move forward
Successful people know how to work with others
Successful people have a passion
Successful people put things in the proper perspective

This list is a lot to digest. There is also a lot to learn. I just found a free report that will show you how to instill these traits into your thinking. If you want to be successful and have confidence you need to have the tools. You need to think like a success.

Please check out this free report. It will change the way you think.

http://www.therockefellerfiles.com/?download=457

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Don't Be a Bobblehead

2007-02-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

As you guessed this is not a photo of me. This is a photo of a bobble head doll. What does a bobble head doll have to do with confidence? A lot but you will have to give me a chance to explain. I am asking you NOT to be a bobble head.

A bobble head doll bounces their head up and down as if they are saying, yes, yes, yes, yes. Agreement is nice but it can also end up slowing you down. Do you surround yourself with people that you agree with and agree with you? If most of the people you associate with agree with you and you agree with them then you are a bobble head.

Success in business and life comes from creativity, imagination and new ideas. How can you stay creative if the people you associate with agree with your thinking? How can you stay imaginative if the people you associate with agree with your thinking? I am not telling you to abandon the people you associate with. What I am telling you is to start associating with more people that do not think like you. When you converse with people that you are not a bobble head with stay open. I know that it may be your natural instinct to turn them off and find their thinking jarring. Push yourself to listen to them and digest what they are saying. Observe how their train of thought is different than yours. Observe how their ideas can be translated into something you can do.

Learning from others is golden. People that do not think like you will stimulate your thought process. You will start to discover new things. So don’t be a bobble head. Be an explorer.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Making an Important Decision

2007-02-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

My Friend Brittany

I have a friend named Brittany. She was going through a divorce. It was a messy divorce. This was Brittany’s second marriage. Naturally when she re married she and her beau were madly in love. Brittany had two children from her previous marriage. They were living with their dad. Her new husband wanted children. Brittany was employed as a nurse. She enjoyed nursing and liked the idea of being a working woman. In her former marriage she was a mom. Work and kids did not sit well with her former husband. He was the breadwinner and Brittany was the mom. Brittany was okay with this because nursing, kids and taking care of the household would have probably been too much for Brittany. Her former husband worked long hours so he was not going to make a large contribution to the kids and household responsibilities.

Brittany’s new husband wanted children. Brittany was uncertain if this was what she wanted. Since she was madly in love with her new husband she agreed to have more children. She really wanted to remain working as a nurse. However, this was her second marriage and she really wanted it to work. She did not want another divorce. So Brittany and her new husband pro created. They had two kids.

Now let’s fast forward to the messy divorce. Somewhere along the line Brittany and her new husband were no longer madly in love. They were arguing. Brittany was disappointed in how her second marriage turned out. She knew that divorce would end this misery. Unfortunately the divorce process was prolonging the misery. The divorce was messy and nasty.

Naturally Brittany hired a divorce attorney. She found a reputable attorney. This attorney had a reputation as being top notch. However, this attorney did not specialize in divorces. Brittany made mistake one when she selected this attorney. She chose a big wig. However, he was not a big wig when it came to divorces. From there her relationship with this attorney went down hill. For most of the court dates and legal filings this big wig attorney had an associate represent Brittany. This associate was not doing the job Brittany expected. There was poor communication between Brittany and the associate. This was the second mistake Brittany made.
Brittany confided in me about how distressed she was with her legal representation. I tried to help Brittany sort out the mess she was in. We had a long discussion. This is what we discovered and concluded. Brittany faced a very serious and important decision in choosing a divorce attorney. The way she made this decision was from an emotional perspective. She felt hurt, vulnerable, sad and angry. Her marriage failed and her soon to be ex was making her life miserable. She was also grieving for her failed marriage. She also blamed herself. She was not in the best emotional state to make a well thought out decision. However, this can be the emotional state we all experience when we have to make an important decision. This is not the emotional state that will lead to the best decision.

Do not make a decision based on your emotions. It will not be beneficial for you. So how do you make a decision when you are feeling like this?

Step One Recognize that you are in an emotional state.
Step Two Make a list of what you want to accomplish from your decision

If this list contains things like, “get revenge”, “ruin their life”, “make their life miserable” etc. you know you are making a decision based on wrong information. Cross these items out. See what you are left with. If your list is blank after doing this then you need a break. Go back to your list and start again until you have items on it that are not emotional. This story applies to all decisions you will make. Once this is done you will be able to make a decision that will help and benefit you.

I have great products that will keep you on the right path to being your personal best. Check them out.

Drop me a comment. I love to hear from you.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Time for your Check up and Check in

2007-02-07T11:42:00.000-07:00

It is time for your check up. It is time for your check in. You are checking up on yourself. You are checking in with yourself. This is something you need to do on a schedule. You must check in and see how you are doing. You must check in and see how you are feeling.

How are you doing? Are you getting things done in a timely fashion? Are you moving forward? Do you have challenges? Do you have set backs where things did not work out as planned?

I know these are a lot of questions. Perhaps you are feeling annoyed that I am asking questions instead of giving you answers. Please don’t be irritated. A question leads to an answer. You must ask questions to get answers. Questions give you insight. Questions lead to progress. Questions lead to information. Remember how they said in school there are no stupid questions. They were right.

So go ahead and ask yourself the questions. Evaluate yourself. You may find out that the things that did not go as planned are things you need to educate yourself about. Perhaps you assumed something. Perhaps you expected something to happen. Now you know not to assume things. Now you know not to expect things to just happen. Now you have learned something. Now you can formulate a plan. Now you can take a different approach to your task. This is why you must check in with yourself. This is why you must check up on yourself. Perhaps this check up showed you that things are going better than you thought. You will never know unless you check in with yourself. You will never know unless you check up on yourself.

Next you need to check up on how you are feeling. Next you must check in with how you are feeling. How are you feeling? Tired, discouraged, stressed, hungry, great, excited, and confident? If you are feeling tired, discouraged, stressed, or hungry you need to tackle this. What can you do to not feel like this? Are you pushing yourself too hard? Are you expecting miracles instead of results? Are you being unrealistic in your expectations? More questions. More answers. More insights. Take a look at your feelings and give yourself a workable answer. A workable answer is not that you will feel better tomorrow. A workable answer is a solution or plan you can implement. A workable answer is something you can measure and evaluate.

If you are feeling great, excited and confident I must compliment you. You are taking an approach that is working for you. You are tackling your work at home business seriously and going for solutions. You are concentrating on being effective. You are on the path to success.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Please comment. Please send questions. I want to address what is important to you.

PPS Check out my products.

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

Confidence and Decisions

2007-02-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Confidence and Your Work
When you own your own business you must have confidence. You will be making many decisions. How will you know if you are making the right decisions? One way to start the decision process is to gain knowledge. You should research the topic you are going to make a decision on. However once you have this knowledge you may be confronted with two choices. Which one should you chose? Now you are at a cross road. You have to make a decision but how do you choose between the two options. This is where confidence comes in.

You have to be confident and go forward with one of the choices. You must decide. You can not be wishy washy once you decide. You must be confident with your decision. I once heard a famous CEO explain how he makes a decision. He said he makes the decision and then he makes it be the right decision. He is expressing that once he makes a decision he has the confidence to make that be the right decision.

Do your homework and then decide what option to follow. Then work on that option to make it work for you. Once you choose follow through. Give yourself some time to see how your new plan is working. You may have to modify your plan. Have the confidence to modify your plan. Have the confidence to know that you made a decision. Have the confidence to know that you have the skills to make that decision work for you.

Let me know your thoughts and questions.

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS I am sorry. There is a technical problem with my newsletter subscription. If you subscribed and did not receive my newsletter please be patient. I am working on it.

Tellman's List Building Blog

2007-01-31T16:28:00.000-07:00

Tellman Knudson's excellent List Building Blog

If you are planning to market on the internet this is one blog you must read. Tellman is a master on intent marketing.

If you are planning an internet work at home business then you must read Tellman’s blog.

To your home business success,
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS This is the link.

http://listbuildingblog.com

For some reason this link seems to disappear.

Tools For Your Work at Home Office

2007-01-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

How To Set Up Your Home Office
Your home office must be stocked with all the tools to get your job done. Here is a beginner supply list.
Desk
Pens/Pencils
Notebook
Computer
Phone
Small filing cabinet
Atomosphere

You probably are wondering what is "atomosphere?" Atomosphere is something you persoanlly select to make your work at home office a warm enviornment to work in. You want to feel comfortable and confident in your work at home office. You want to enjoy your work at home office. You want to personalize yor work at home office.

This is an individual choice. Some ideas - a family photo, a poster with an encouraging slogan, a poster that inspires you, your monetary goal for the week, low key backgound music. You know what special touch you can give your work at home office to make it you.

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Your Home Office

2007-01-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

Let's explore what your home office should be like when you work at home.

You will need a room to desiginate as your office. It is not advisable to work in your bedroom or any other room in the house that you are using for a different purpose. If you do not have a room to use then you can try this. Use a divider. Partition off a part of the room you will use. The point being the room you use must be an office setting. Working at home takes discipline. If the room you work in is not an office setting you will become distracted. You will loose focus.

Working at home does require certain personality traits. You can develop most of these traits. Having a room set up and designated as your office makes things easier and more efficient.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

Confidence and Work

2007-01-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to talk about your job, career, occupation or profession. All of these terms refer to the area of paid work.

There are days when work is trying. There are days when you wish you could work at home. Maybe you even thought about a home based business. Perhaps you are not ready to give up your current job but you considering starting a home based business. Perhaps you are considering starting your home based business while staying at your current job.

There is a lot to consider if you are going to start a home based business while staying at your current job. One thing to consider is what type of business would be right for you. If you search on the internet for home businesses you will be bombarded with offers. How do you know which ones are not scams? Yes, scams. I am sorry to say that there are dishonest people out there and you do not want to become one of their victims. You must be very careful what business you choose to devote your time to.

Unfortunately there is no warning signs out there for you about this. However, there is information that can assist you in this area. This information can help you with the hidden red flags of scam businesses. Please check this out to learn about the warning signs of unscrupulous businesses on the web.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com/

Welcome

2007-01-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Self Improvement Toolshop

Hello. My name is Marcia Siegel. I am a Your Confidence Coach. I love helping people be whatever they want to be. Being a confident person is a sure fire way to become your personal best. Being a confident person is how you become a better you.

I want you to enjoy your life. I want you to be a participant in your life. I want you to be able to truly experience your life. I want you to be able to tackle whatever comes your way.

I will be here to deliver words of wisdom, tips, ideas and information. Together we will make you “A Better You”.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com